Path of Destruction

Chapter Five

Harry and Zayn returned back to the apartment nearly thirty minutes before the rest of the boys arrived. Zayn decided that it would be best for Harry to return to his new therapist at least once a weak.

Upon leaving, Dr. Avery told Harry that he should be extremely aware of what triggers his urges to self harm, and that it would be best to either write them down or make a mental note.

Harry was in a sense of shock. He couldn’t believe he had just told another human being of his love for Louis. In a way he was relieved.

Zayn returned to his apartment and not long after Harry heard the door open.

“Honey, I’m home!”

Harry chuckled at Louis’s greeting. 

“Hey Lou, how was the movie?”

“It was really good. But enough small talk, I think we need to have a chat Harry.”

Harry began to tense up. This wasn’t going to end well.

“I want to know why you have been so distant lately. And don’t make any excuses, the other boys may be falling for this whole “I’m tired” nonsense, but I’m not buying it. You are my best mate Harry, I know you better than anyone, and you can tell me anything. I am just really worried about you.”

Harry could actually see the worry in his friend’s eyes. It pained him to see Louis upset over something that Harry had caused. 

And there it was. An urge to cut.

Harry knew he had to write it down immediately so he could remember the moment exactly.

“Ughh, Lou, hold on, I’ll be right back.” With that Harry got up and left.

Louis was then alone and confused. Why was Harry avoiding him? One moment everything seemed fine, and then the next it was like a wave of sadness and panic would just overtake his body.

Harry got out a journal that his mom had bought him a while ago to write of his experiences on tour. Harry had never had the urge to do so, but now he had finally found a use for it.

He quickly scrawled the words “Louis is being affected by my actions. He doesn’t deserve to have to worry about me all the time, and the fact that he worries about me so much gives me hope. I know it’s silly, but if he cares about me this much maybe he feels the same way? No. He only cares because we are best mates. Nothing more. Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I get it through my head? That is all we will ever be.”

Harry shut the journal and placed it under his pillowcase. He then slowly walked back to where he left Louis waiting for him.

“Harry!” “You can’t just leave when you are put on the spot!” “You are going to eventually have to face up and answer the questions you have been avoiding for so long. Why not now?”

Harry searched his mind for something believable. He knew he couldn’t just say he was tired or stressed. It had to be something more severe.

“Okay Lou, the truth is that lately as my voice has been going through changes and deepening, I just feel like it isn’t as good as it used to be. Fans, have noticed too, I’ve gotten hate on Twitter.”

“Hazza!” Louis raced out to Harry and pulled him into his arms. Harry faked a distraught look and put his head down on Louis’s shoulder. “Harry you are perfect, don’t ever forget that. Your voice is just as amazing as it was before and this band would be nothing without you. Ignore those few people that hive negativity and look at all of the positive comments you get. The fans love you Harry, the band loves you, I love you.”

A smile swept across Harry’s face.

“I love you too Lou.” Louis hugged him harder. “And thanks it feels good to get this off my chest.”

Louis released him and just stared into his eyes. He then raised a hand and swept away a curl on his forehead.

Harry had butterflies in his stomach. He loved this moment. He could stay staring into Louis’s eyes for forever.

However, his happiness was also clouded with guilt for lying to Louis.

 “Haz, I really wish you told me this earlier!” I wish I knew that this had been what’s bothering you all this time. I could have helped earlier!”

Louis smiled warmly at him.

Harry faked a smile back.

If only he knew.