We are beautiful

Chapter 11: The idea of her

We were hanging out in my room, on my bed, and I bit my lip as Cody kept talking about Italy and the amazing food. I wanted to listen but something was on my mind. I had been thinking a lot about our relationship. We've been together for almost a year and we've gotten to be serious. But there are things that have been left unsaid....unanswered... 

"Can I ask you something?" I blurt out.

"Ummm...yes?" Cody half laughs.

"Can we talk about something we haven't really discussed before?" I grit my teeth a bit.

"Okay?" Cody looks at me sideways.

"I want to talk about...Kaylee." I cringe.

"....alright...no I knew you would at some point. You can ask me anything." He sighs.

"Do you...miss her?" I ask.

"Well yes...Kaylee and I were childhood friends. It's kind of like the situation with Kyle and you. The feelings will always be there. Have they changed? Yeah, they have, because I'm in love with you." He explains.

"Fair...how umm...how serious were you two?" I ask.

"Well, we were together for four years." Cody laughs.

"You know what I mean." I blush.

"....I don't think I do?" Cody blinks at me.

"You know...ehm...stuff." I stutter.

"What?" Cody asks.

"Did you ya know?" I blush harder.

"No idea what you're asking." Cody shakes his head.

"Did you two have sex?" I blurt out. Cody starts dying of laughter. I blush even more and sink down in my spot. I'm sitting on my bed and Cody is sitting on the chair of my vanity...he can't contain himself.

"Okay...the best part is I knew what you were talking about when you first mentioned it. I just wanted to see you get all flustered." He laughs so hard.

"Cody...." I mutter.

"Okay, okay. We did have sex, yes. he puts his hands up.

"Oh..." I nod, not sure how to feel.

"I'm assuming you and Kyle did?" He asks.

"Nope....I'm What they call...pure." I shrug.

"For real? Actually I don't know if I'm that shocked or not." He leans on the chair.

"Yeah..." I feel the heat rising in my cheeks. This isn't something I should feel embarrassed about.

"Well since we're talking about it. I don't want to rush it or us. I'm not some testosterone-filled animal. Much unlike some of the uncivilized pigs, we go to school with." Cody laughs.

"I get it. I trust you, Cody." I smile and rub my hand on his back.

"Good." He nods.
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I was heading out to my car to go to make a trip to the store when I saw Kyle sitting in a chair on his porch, on his phone. I approached him cautiously.

"Hey," I say quietly.

"What do YOU want?" He doesn't even look up from his phone.

"I just miss my best friend." I shrug.

"Yeah? Well you kind of fucked me over Lizzie Tay. You were screwing him behind my back." Kyle sets his phone down on a table, fairly harshly.

"I wasn't screwing him. Kyle, I was completely into you a couple years ago but, I've changed since then. We were amazing best friends, we always have been. I miss us. I miss the late-night phone calls and watching trashy tv shows. I miss my best friend...that I took for granted." I explain.

"You know what's just stupid? I'm still in love with you....and you can't change that." Kyle sighs.

"....aren't you dating Sophie?" I pause.

"Yeah, But she's not you." Kyle chuckles dryly, he has his hand up, shading the sun from his eyes. 

"Kyle, you mean the world to me...I don't want to spend senior year without you." I plead.

"...you mean a lot to me too," Kyle says slowly. We stare at each other for a brief moment before embracing each other as I burst into tears.

"I missed you so much. I'm so sorry." I cry as I grasp at his denim jacket.

"I missed you too." He whispers. We stand there and just hold each other, knowing the other needed it.
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It was the night before the first day of school and Kyle and I sat in front of my refrigerator and shared a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream, looking at old pictures.

"Okay okay, how about this one?" I pull out of an old battered envelope, a picture of five-year-old Kyle and I, holding hands with our brand new backpacks on, outside of my house. My mom took this one on her polaroid. 

"Oh my God...Look at those pigtails." Kyle chuckles and points to my poor hair choice.

"You can practically smell all the hair gel you had on in this photo." I retort.

"Hey hey, I was a real baller back then." Kyle pints out, jokingly.

"Back when all the girls at school brushed you off...yes I remember. How about this one?" I pull another photo out of the envelope without looking at it. A smile slowly makes its way onto Kyle's face.

"Spencer." He says quietly.

"What?" I ask, digging into the pint with my spoon blindly.

"Spencer Cole." Kyle points to the Polaroid photo of an 8th grade me, sitting on Kyle's porch with my arm around a girl with dorky and comedically large glasses and braces.

"I remember Spencer...I totally forgot about her..." I say slowly.

"We were best friends since the second grade. She was moving back to Wisconsin the day I took this photo of you two." Kyle recalls.

"Yeah Spencer and I used to play dolls for hours and eat cookies my mom made. Simpler times." I shrug.

"It's funny you pulled that photo out, Marcy Davis told me that Spencer is coming back to Washington for senior year. Marcy was the only one who kept up with Spencer, I'm sure it's not just a rumor." Kyle explains, taking a spoonful of mint chip.

"What?! Wow...I haven't spoken to Spence since freshman year, on the phone." I say, shocked.

"Yeah, this year is gonna be an interesting one. The gang might get back together huh?" Kyle chuckles.

"I don't know. Spencer has probably changed a ton since she left." I shrug.

"Well, all I can say is, cheers to senior year!" Kyle holds his ice cream spoon up in the air triumphantly.

"Cheers!" I clink my spoon against his.