Thinspo {j.j.k.}

Oink Oink

I started off my day by getting dressed, of course. It was just an average school day like the past few days. The only thing that separated this day from the last was my mentality and self image. 

I stayed up for hours last night trying to research what I could. I must have done at least a hundred crunches and ten consecutive minutes worth of planks. My body was aching and sore as if my muscles were screaming for a break, even hours after I had finished.

On top of that, I decided to walk to school instead of taking the bus. My legs were shaking, about to give out any second the entire way. By the time I scanned my ID on the side of the heavy sliding glass doors, I stumbled and had to grab the brick wall while students walked in, staring at me in a mix of confusion and disgust at my worn out state.

I didn't want my friends to see me like this, I had to get inside before they would arrive. I hesitantly stood slowly and stumbled my way inside, tossing the untouched apple into the waste basket on my way down the wide and kept hallway. My legs still shook under my sore form, no matter how much I tried to steady myself. My stomach rumbled desperately but I only held it and a calming matter to try and get it to just shut up because I would be waiting until lunch to eat.

Through my hours of research, I now knew I had to restrict how much I ate. Though I knew skipping meals, especially breakfast, was unhealthy, I knew I could become thinner quicker if I cut back my calories despite this. I just wished it was much easier. I could only hope my stomach wouldn't complain during class, and earn even darker stares than before.

"Rose, why are you walking like you just got a night that was a little too fun?" A high pitched voice chimed behind me, making me jump and stop with one foot on the first step of a crowded staircase. I spun around, sighing in relief at the sight of Eunyeong raising an eyebrow with a playful smirk, one hand on the strap of her messenger bag that slung over her form.

"Please, I walked to school. I didn't do what you wish I did." I copied her musical tone, earning a rough scoff as she walked up to me and grabbed my arm, my feet moving in sync with hers up the staircase once again.

"You really should work out more if you're that weak after a short walk like that." 

"It was fifteen minutes!" I protested weakly, a small chuckle following afterwards through Eunyeong's thin lips. As soon as our feet hit the flat ground, Eunyeong stopped and turned her head left and right. I could only assume she was searching for Nari in the crowd. I decided to help her out, but my eyes froze on a tall frame. 

Jungkook was looking down at the infamous Bomi and a few of her friends. His expression was unreadable, but it tainted with amusement at whatever she was sharing with him. I could practically hear my heart shatter on the spot. I cursed at myself internally to piece it back together as quickly as it broke. I didn't know the guy, and I didn't care. I was so determined to lose this weight for me, not for some petty and popular male that many of other girls felt the same way about as I did. He must get a kick out of the way he makes girls like me feel. 

I must have scoffed out loud because Eunyeong turned to me with confused eyes. My eyes quickly traveled to Eunyeong before frantically back at Jungkook to see if he had heard it as well. I sighed out of relief when he was just nodding at Bomi. Eunyeong opened her mouth to speak but as soon as I saw Jungkook finally glance up at me and make eye contact, I grabbed her arm and dragged her along, my shaking legs causing a small stumble but Eunyeong held me upright to avoid any rumors about my state. I didn't take the time to read his expression. I only figured he heard me.

Thankfully, me and Eunyeong spotted Nari walking alone, to which Eunyeong grabbed her the same I had grabbed Eunyeong just a minute previous. I turned my head finally to sneak a few quick glances to check that we weren't being followed. I made yet one more sigh of relief as we were clear. Nari kept trying to peer around Eunyeong after the two exchanged a few inaudible whispers as if trying to catch a glimpse of me. I grew more awkward in the situation of Nari trying to peer around an annoyed Eunyeong to look at me all while we were stumbling and walking to class. Eunyeong finally let go of Nari's arm to push her shoulder lightly as a warning. Nari tsked and rubbed her shoulder as she kept her distance only to run up to my side so I was now in the middle of the three of us.

"You're totally right! She does walk like she just had a long night! Are you sure you didn't invite Jungkook over?" She exclaimed rather loudly, earning just a few stares from those that heard it, especially females with the exception of a few jealous males.

"I did not! Now lower your voice!" I hissed at her as we walked into our room that contained only a handful of chatting students.

"Oh my god." She paused before a smirk grew on her face and she placed her hands on my shoulders to guide me to my seat, forcing me to sit as she kneeled in front of my desk, her face in her hands as she stared into my eyes, making me shift uncomfortably as I waited for her to finish so the uncomfortable moment would end. "Did you loose your V card to Jimin?"

My jaw hung open in shock, my eyes wide and cheeks burning as a grin grew wild on her pale face. She was enjoying this whole situation way too much. Before I could protest, she continued.

"I knew he was checking you out! He totally stares at you in gym class. He has a nice ass too I mean I'm jealous that you-" 

"I'm a virgin!" I exclaimed rather loudly to cut her off. Eunyeong froze and Nari's smile slowly and awkwardly faded. I was confused at first before I realized the volume of my voice. My eyes were hesitant to bolt around the now silent room. I noticed a few students stare yet again, exchanging whispers all while not looking away from my hiding and shy form.

Horrifyingly, much to my dismay, I saw Jungkook turn his head away from me before I could read his expression while he took his seat fully and took out his supplies for the class. I hid my burning face in my freezing and shaking hands in embarrassment as Eunyeong and Nari sat on their knees around my desk in an attempt to block me from the other students.

I didn't understand why it mattered so much to them. In fact, I found it rather creepy how obsessed they were with even the slightest bit of gossip they could get their hands on in this boring school. Though I could understand that anything would make our days more exciting. I couldn't deny something like that. I just wish they could talk about something other than my sex and love life. 

Most of all, I didn't know why I was so scared of Jungkook hearing about it.

After all, Mr. popular must be more successful in those fields than me.

-

As I walked through the lunch line, my fingers traced over the cold metal spoon that led to a large metal container of kimchi. As I thought, I slowly placed a spoonful into my plate. I then hesitantly lowered half a spoon of rice into the largest dip in the metal plate. I followed through with every dish like this. One piece of kiwi, the smallest fried fish, and half a bowl of cold and depressing soup. 

I sat at the end of my table while Eunyeong and Nari chatted with a few other girls and boys to my right. As I stared down at my food, I felt my stomach wrench. I was hungry, yet I was almost afraid to eat. I couldn't protest though, as I grabbed the long metal spoon and piled spoonful after spoonful into my mouth in pure hunger after nearly 24 hours without a single bit of food.

It only took me less than five minutes to finish my plate and by the time Nari and Eunyeong were staring at me with wide eyes, their first spoonful just right next to their lips as my plate sat empty. My heart sank. I knew people could last longer without food than I could, and I couldn't help but feel guilty at how fast I had selfishly eaten my plate like a pig.

I stood with my plate to walk it over to the lunch lady and hand it back to be cleaned, my now-steady legs making my way over to my table again as I awkwardly slid back into my seat and coughed to get the two to stop staring. It worked as I watched their gazes shift back to the other kids and continue talking. I pulled out my phone to entertain myself. 

My fingers traced over the Instagram app, deciding to click. Especially since I had an unread notification. It was from a random account, so I could feel my anxiety kick in at the possibilities.

I was getting a message request. I clicked on it and read it with an aching heart.

"Oink oink piglet."