Innocence (Burning Beliefs #1)

Chapter Fifteen *edited*

Chapter Fifteen

SERENA'S POV

I don't know how I would describe sex. Maybe for other people it's beautiful. Maybe for other people it's a blessing, especially if you save yourself for marriage. Maybe, for people like Gracie, it would be a relief. It would be nice to just let go of yourself, and forget reality for a moment while someone holds you in their arms. I imagine that's how sex is supposed to feel.

However, to someone like me, whose whole life pretty much revolves around sleeping with guys, sex is pretty normal. Experiencing it daily drains the thrill out of it. Sure, for the guys, it's pretty interesting to get down with someone young, blonde, and beautiful, but for me... I usually use this time to think about my life. Let my mind wander, let myself drift off into space, like when you're bored in a class at school. And yes, I did just compare sex to a classroom.

But the whole Dean incident kind of put things into perspective. I've used my thinking time to expand my thoughts into the opposite views. I mean, so far, sex has been a productive thing for me. My exercise, my stress relief, my meeting point for Zach... I've always seen in positively. But I'm starting to see it's a negative thing.

Every time I think about Dean, I shudder a little. The taste of his lips on mine still makes my heart pound. His hands running through my hair, strong and determined, makes my insides crumble. My stomach flops like a dead fish, and my body just kind of inverts into itself like it wants to disappear. And when I told Gracie... everything fell out of hand. Sam knows, too, apparently. I wonder how he feels.

"Baby, you okay?" Zach asks.

Oh. Right.

I'm out back, behind the club. Zach and I are making out. I've gotten so used to sex that I just don't feel anything less than it anymore. Strange.

Zach's hands, which smell like peppermint, grip my face gently and curl down to my hips. My hands rest on his shoulders. His eyes are staring deep into mine, and I can't lie to him like I would with any other client. I bite my lip.

"Sorry," I sigh. "Just thinking a lot."

"About what?"

I don't let him look into my eyes.

"Hey," Zach comforts. "It's okay. You have me. I'm the only man you should be worried about, okay?"

I smile shyly up at him. "Okay."

My smile suddenly turns into a frown. I tilt my head a little.

"How come we've never had sex?" I ask.

His eyebrows raise slightly and his eyes darken. He runs one hand through his golden-copper hair. The question is kind of out of the blue, yes, but I'm legitimately curious.

"Well, it's not like you don't get enough already," he shrugs. "I just... I feel like our relationship doesn't need to be about something you don't want or need."

"But I do want it," I say. "I mean, not with other guys, but with you. I want it with you."

"It all depends on the time, Rena," he says. "After you've just been with a client? Never. The only time you're not here is in the morning, and I don't even know where you live."

Huh. Wow. Imagine me bringing Zach home. Gracie would definitely like him; he is so hot it hurts sometimes. Dad would have a seizure. Dean would glare at him, he's met Zachy already. Sam would pick at him like leftover meatloaf.

"Do you even have a home?" Zach asks.

"Of course I do!"

"Well then, where is it?"