Dangerous Confessions

You're Having An Effect On Me

Even though I had a lot of questions about Declan, one thing was for certain, he wasn't stupid, and I had already figured he was going to realise my true intentions sooner or later; every one of my babies did, but by the time this would happen, it was already impossible for them to go back, and there wasn't anywhere to go but forward; Declan was somehow aware (if not pretty damn sure) of my feelings for him and I hadn't even begun to put my plan into action.

I know that I should have backed away at that point. In the exact moment I realised he was gaining more control over me than the one I had so carefully gained over him, I should have built a wall to protect me from whatever consequences this could bring. If I had been any smarter, that's exactly what I would have done: get away from it immediately. If I had been half as clever as I thought I was, I wouldn't have let him hypnotise me like he was doing. Now he was playing a game and I didn't quite know how it worked, but was losing anyway. He knew it, but now I knew too.

It never really crossed my mind how quickly he could get under my skin, how easy it was for him to turn everything around. After all this time, I still don't know what went wrong. I had everything planned and under control. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, it was all different. I wouldn't realise it until long time after, but I had underestimated him greatly.

However, what went on in the car park after Declan made the bluntest declaration since I'd met him still remains to be one of my sweetest memories.

-I don't want to go my house, Mr. McPartlin... I want to go to yours.
-You can't come home with me, Declan.
-Why not? I promise not to cover your front porch with toilet paper on Halloween if you take me home with you.

I came up with more excuses than I actually believed myself capable of. Worthless. He would hear nothing about his father worried sick about him, he wasn't home anyway and he refused to spend Friday night alone. He didn't want to hang out with people his own age; they were boring, pathetic and incredibly stupid. He didn't think we were doing anything wrong, but he would keep the secret if I wanted him too. No matter what I said, he would hear nothing of it.
This dynamic kept going for a few more minutes, and Declan's response never failed to amuse me more than the former. Truth is, I was dying to be alone with him, to enjoy his company in private, see how far he wanted to take this little game of his, but at the same time, I was a bit afraid of where would his game take me. Eventually I gave up.

***

Declan was quite chatty during the ride home, and once we got there as well. The entire time he kept commenting on how nice everything looked around here and about every little detail, like the pale pink of the flowers, the dogs running around in the grass, the smiling gnomes in the yard next door, which was what made it all look so beautiful according to Declan.

I couldn't help thinking how simple and comforting it was to talk to him; after having to deal day after day with so many people who were just as dead inside as they looked on the outside, this boy turned out to be quite a life saver. He laughed about everything, talked about anything and knew just how to keep going a good conversation.

"It's a nice neighbourhood...Do you live here all by yourself?...How come you're not married?...Do you have a girlfriend?" He started at one point.
"You ask too many questions, baby. One more and I'll take you home."
"Fine. But everyone wonders the same things about you at school, you know?"
"No, I didn't know."
"Well, they do, especially girls. Did you know that Lisa Armstrong has a huge crush on you? She has your name written all over her notebook; she drew little hearts and everything."
"How do you know this?"
"I have eyes."
"Yeah, very pretty eyes..." I said simply. I think either one of us felt the need to be shy or even too careful anymore.
"Yours are really nice too, sir."
"You know, you make me feel like a hundred years old when you call me sir."
"Sorry, my father is a bit pesky about discipline. He likes it when I call him that."
"Well, I don't."
"I don't exactly love it when you call me by my last name either. Just call me Dec."