Round Here

Chapter Five

August '68

I finally turned eighteen. It was the best feeling in the world. Another exciting thing to happen is Em is due soon. I was excited to be the godmother of her child. I got that news the other day when she announced Freddie and I were to be the godparents of their baby. In July we had this heat wave and it was awful. August was much better. Even though we've only just started the month the heat has been pretty laid back. I'm glad cause this pregnant body cannot handle the heat. Today was like any other summer day. Less hot but rather annoying. There was no breeze at all, and I was about to dunk myself in the bathtub. Dad was hangin' around the house today. I didn't know exactly where he was so I ventured down the hall to see. 

"Daddy where are you?" He groaned. 

"I'm in bed dying of this heat." 

"Daddy it's been worse. Plus it's supposed to get chilly later on. Maybe we could go out then." 

"Baby, I'd usually say yes, but dad's dying here. I feel like shit. I even had to take the day off." 

"So does that mean the bar is closed today?" 

"Yes that's what it means." 

"Oh, did you want me to bring you an ice pack?" He looked at me. 

"No I'll be fine. Let me see your leg and that."  My scars haven't fully healed yet. I mean they have, but they haven't faded away. 

"Hey don't touch them. It feels weird." I knew he was gonna do that. 

"Lay down for a minute." I did as he said. He didn't do anything. "What do you want from me dad?" 

"I want to know why you still seem to manage cuttin' yourself. You're a beautiful girl. Don't do this to yourself." I looked down at my arms and legs. I mean he was right, but it didn't help me a bit. I wasn't going to be happy just by staring at them. 

"I know you don't want me to, and I'm sorry, but it's just really hard. With everything goin' on dad you should know. Even after what happened with... I'm sorry I can't stop thinkin' bout it." He placed hand on my arm. 

"I know you can't baby, but try this for me. Try thinkin' of it as harmin' other people, and I know that's something you can't do. So try, I don't expect you to promise, but just try."  

"I can try daddy. Is it almost time for the movie?"

 "What did the paper say?" He asked. 

"It was on at seven." I replied. 

"Now is it seven?" He asked again.

"No it's only three. I just am so excited to watch it dad." 

"Yes I know, you and your Marlon Brando obsession. I'll make sure we watch One-Eyed Jacks. So don't worry about it." I smiled as I turned to face him.

 "Dad, have you guys found him yet?" He sighed and saw the worry in my eyes. "No San, we haven't found him yet. I assure you when we do you'll be the first one to know. Now do me a favor and turn that fan on." I did as he said. Then I sat back down on the edge of his bed. 

The breeze was nice. Dad looked like hell. Maybe he was sick. 

"Dad are you gonna be okay?" 

"Kid I'm not sure. I feel like absolute shit. I think I've got somethin'." I didn't let him finish. 

"Like a cold?" "Yeah like a cold, or even food poisoning. Pass me the can." I scrambled to do so. I handed him the garbage can. He threw up in it. It was gross. I mean I didn't have to be there as it was happening, but I wanted to make sure he was okay.