b r o k e n // LIL XAN

Chapter 20

Shannon's POV:

We pulled up to the nearest Italian restaurant (because of course Diego insisted on spoiling me) and we got a table pretty fast. When we were seated Diego tried numerous times to start a conversation but I shrugged him off.

I felt horrible for what I had done. I didn't mean to cause shit but I couldn't just let Valarie continue to disrespect me. But I knew Diego didn't want the drama and now the court date and charges and all the legal stuff. And on top of all that, how I'm going to face Valarie now.

"Shannon," He lay his hand lightly on mine. "Please talk to me."

I bit my bottom lip and felt the chills travel up my arms. I turned away and again ignored what he said. I contemplated on just telling how I felt like I had totally just screwed things over but before I could open my mouth a man who looked a little older then the age of us walked over. He was dark and had thin dreads with blond tips.

"Hi, my name is Stokely." He smiled wide.

Diego was obviously annoyed with his timing but just smiled back.

"Do you guys know what you want? Or are we just going to start off with drink?" He asked super polite.

"I think we will just start with dr-" Diego started to tell him off before I interrupted.

"I would like the pasta with some breadsticks please."

Diego's face turned shocked at my interruption but he didn't say anything about it. Stokely wrote my order down and grinned at me. He shot me a quick wink too but Diego didn't seem to notice.

"I'll just get the same thing." Diego muttered, grabbing my menu and giving it to the server.

Stokely nodded his head and walked off.

"Shannon. I didn't do anything, are you seriously mad at me?" He asked kind of definitively.

I wasn't mad at him, I had no reason to be. I honestly had no idea why I was acting like this. I just felt so much anger and jealousy towards him for no reason. If it weren't for him I would probably still be at the police station waiting for my mom to pick me up and then beat the shut out of me. I was so thankful for him, but I didn't feel it.

"Shannon please just talk to me."

I let a few tears escape and my cheeks began to burn up. I didn't know wether I was filled with anger or sadness, but I knew it was going to come out on someone soon.

"Shannon please." He got up and moved to my side of the booth.

I scooted as far away from him as I could, until I was right up against the wall of the booth. Diego put his hand on my thigh and I don't know why but I couldn't keep it all in anymore.

"Get the fuck off me Diego!" I shouted.

His eyes shot open and he quickly removed his hand from my leg.

"Shannon, what's wrong?" I could hear his voice become lower as he spoke.

"Nothing is fucking wrong Diego. I'm fine aren't I. Can't you tell?" I was screaming at this point. "Everything is just perfectly fine. That's why I beat the shit out of Valarie, that's why I have court, and I cut myself, and I get abused. Because EVERYTHING IS FINE!" Tears streamed down my face.

I noticed almost everyone was staring at us now but I didn't care. Diego backed away slowly and I saw the hurt in his eyes.

"No Shannon. Everything isn't fine. Obviously. But I don't know how to help. I'm here for you but when you shut me out I don't know what to do. I- I'm knew to all this shit too Shannon." His voice was shaking.

"Then leave! I'd be used to it by now. Maybe I was meant to struggle on my own Diego. Maybe this was a mistake."

The last few words hurt to get out of my mouth but I said them without thought. I realized what I had said once it was in the air. I wanted so bad to take it back and get jump into his arms, but I knew we were past that point. I had no idea what had come over me. I didn't know if it was because of his texts with Valarie, or because of my fight with her, or the fear of how serious me and him were becoming.

I saw the pain of my words spread across Diegos face and I think I even saw a tear leave his face. He stood up and nodded his head at me.

"If that's how you feel." He said silently. He handed me 3 twenty dollar bills and walked away slowly. I watched him leave the building. Once he was gone I looked around and I noticed there was still a good amount of people staring at me. When I looked at them they all tried to play it off by looking away.

I took a few deep breaths and put my elbows on the table, resting my head in my palms. I watched the tears fall from my eyes to the table cloth. After a few minutes I felt the seat sink next to me, indicating that someone had sat down.

I shot my head up, hoping with all my heart it was Diego sitting there with flowers in his hand and a smile on my face. But my dream was crushed. I saw my server from earlier sitting on the other end of the booth seat. He looked concerned and when I looked at him he cleared his throat.

"Hey, is everything, um, okay?" He shook his head, making his dreads fly all around his head.

I nodded and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"As good as it's gonna get right now."

He bit his lip and put his hand out. There was a small piece of paper in between his fingers. I picked it up. When I opened it I saw a number written inside. Was this man seriously trying to fucking hit on me right now?

"Before you say anything-" he blurted out. "I'm not trying to make a move on you or anything. I just am here to talk if you need a friend."

It was a sweet thought but no one could help me with my shit. I've learned it was useless to try anymore. My life was always going to be shit. I had accepted it. I shot him a weak smile and he returned it with a genuine one.

"Uh, can I have the bill?" I pulled out the three 20$ bills diego had have gave me.

"Don't worry about it, I've got it covered." Stokely said. I was shocked but too drained to show it. I just needed to smoke and sleep.

"Thanks." I muttered.