High Buns, Suitcases and Cigars

High Buns Suitcases and Cigars | 2

•02•

"And then something invisible snapped insider her, and that which had come together commenced to fall apart."

-John Green

I stood, mouth agape, shocked. Did he really just tell me no?

Normally, I'd brush a reject off and go back home like I always did. But something was... different this time.

I couldn't place why this time was different, but the door slamming in my face, and the harsh rain beating against my skin and how uncaring the boy was to my situation tore my faćade down; my faćade that I could hold on and live like this. To live in abusive home, to runaway every fucking night, and then tell everyone that I'm okay, that it's okay, that I'd survive and I don't mind living like this.

Because I did.

I hated it. I loathed my life.

And I guess finally seeing that everyone won't pity you just because your lifestyle is broken snapped something inside me.

It showed me how alone you really are in this world.

I wasn't normally like this - so emotional and shit. I was the one who flipped old people off and punched people for the heck off it.

I didn't cry, or bitch or whine. I took things as it was, and didn't give a fuck about other's opinions. I smoked on the daily and sold drugs.

I was the high-life, you only live once, do what-the-fuck I want type girl.

But even the most strongest people have to let their walls down. The one's who tried the hardest to battle their demons and defeat them.

I could only stare at the white, baren door, blinking occasionally to push back the tears.

The clap of thunder startled me, making me jump. You could tell that a big storm was rolling in, but I didn't care.

I sat on the dirt when my legs grew tired. I had no reasonable explanation as to why I was still sitting in front of the guy's house - maybe in hopes of hin letting me stay - but I didn't move from my spot once.

Not when it started to thunder.

Not when it started to get pitch black.

Not when the wind picked up

and

Not when it started to rain.

I only stayed there, letting my own rain fall from the crevices of my eyes, as I came to the terrifying conclusion that I wouldn't ever be able to defeat whatever demons I had inside me.

Because I can't drown my demons, because they know how to swim.

Author's Note: The gif is the girl, Marnie portrayed by Nina Dobrev, crying. And the boy, well you'll find out about him soon enough *winks* enjoy.