《apartment 201• a.i》

twelve

{Ashton}

Somewhere between Jay and I's long conversations of story telling, secret sharing and wishes, Jay fell asleep in my arms. I smiled, looking down at her, she was so much more than she thought of herself. It made me upset and confused to how a wonderful girl like this can think so little of herself. She had long, flowing hair that framed her face and made her look even more angelic. Her bright eyes, that always had a hint of doubt and worry in them, but whenever I caught a glimpse of them I could never look away. She had such soft facial features that I admired so much. I bent down slightly to kiss her forehead and I saw the corner of her lip pull upwards slightly for a second. She was the only thing keeping me calm here, I had to stay calm, always, for her.

In the midst of my long thoughts my eyes grew heavy and sleep overtook me. I'm not sure how long I was asleep, with Jay in my arms. But I was soon awoken by her shifting around and moving her head back and forth, as if she was trying to fight off something. She did the same movements for a while, as I sat there with her, unsure whether to wake her or not. I heard her keep mumbling "no" repetitively.

"Jay, Jay, wake up" I said quietly as I shook her by her shoulders. She continued her movements, obviously not hearing me.

"Jay!" I said a bit louder. She heard me and was jolted awake from her dream, with erratic breath she sat up and looked around, panicked. "What happened?" I asked her, concern clear in my voice.

"Nightmares, so many nightmares" she practically whispered, putting her head in her hands, as she did so often.

I moved over closer to her and put my arm around her, pulling her into me. She put her head on my shoulder as she tried to control her breathing. "It was awful Ashton" she said suddenly.

"You can talk about it if you want, I'll listen" I said, doing whatever it takes to ease her stress.

"It was the same dream I-I had before, about my mom" she started, her breathing calming down a bit, "b-but this time it started with my mom and ended with Cammie.." she explained as she shut her eyes, trying to make the memories escape her thoughts. "It went one by one, destroying the people I love, but I-I just couldn't come to open my eyes."

Tears pricked at the brim of her eyes and I could tell she was using all her power to be strong. I wanted nothing more than to make all of her worries and stress of this place go away. But I knew that wasn't possible. She didn't deserve to be here, she's been through enough in her lifetime. More and more pain and heartbreak keep striking here and every time a new one comes it affects me just as much. I hate seeing her torn up and broken, I loved seeing her bright smile and her cute little dimples that came with it.

Eventually, after sitting there in silence for a while, not really knowing or wanting to speak, I wrapped my arms around her and comforted her the best I could. She buried her face into my neck and shoulder and sighed. "I just want it to be over" she finally spoke up.

I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. "So do I Jay" I said softly.

She pulled away from me and looked down at her hands. "I meant what I said before" she said, confusing me, "about how I don't know how much longer I can do this.."

Wave of worry suddenly fell upon me as I realized how tough it's going to be to get her out of her state of panic. Her thoughts must've been spinning round and round. I didn't know how to make her feel any better about this because honestly I was having trouble trying to convince myself that I can make it here.

"I know everything seems like shit now, but we have to stop thinking about all the terrible possibilities, as hard as it may seem, we have to. We have to think of how we can go out of here-" I started my rambling speech but Jay interrupted me.