It's Always Been Him (BTS Jungkook x Reader)

23

WHAT ARE YOU DOING-

I was screaming at myself as I smashed my lips onto Jungkook's. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he hesitated. For a few seconds it was a one sided kiss, but soon after he was kissing me back and holding me by the waist. I hardly noticed the tears falling from my bronze eyes, hardly noticed the lump in the back of my throat.

It was only when we had to pull away for air did I realise I was crying, and I rested my head on his chest.

"I hate you. I hate you so much." I repeated it over and over, whimpering as he held me tight. He rested his chin on my head, and I felt something wet plop onto my scalp a little bit later. Then his shoulders started shaking, and I knew we must've looked ridiculous as we cried - him holding me like I'd fly away if he let go, and me telling him I hated him over and over and over again.

Then I pulled away briefly to look at his stupid eyes on his stupid face and his stupid red cheeks and stupid tears. Then I looked at his stupid lips and lost control as I kissed him again. This time I didn't pull away, and let him slip his tongue into my mouth. I started crying a little bit again, but I ignored it and pulled his top off. He didn't complain, but he seemed to pause slightly. I took him upstairs.

Still kissing, I pulled my own tshirt off and couldn't care less that he could see me in my bra. He'd seen me like this before, when we jumped off of the cliff. I cried a little harder, before stopping completely and unbuckling his jeans. He halted my progress and stared into me, eyes glistening.

"Y/N wait, we-" I tried to cut him off by kissing him, but he pulled away. I gulped as he fought to not look down.

"I still hate you. You're still an asshole." I choked up, but kept myself composed as he waited for me to continue. "I'm drunk on sadness, and I'm high on hurt. Make it worse." I saw a sad smirk creep onto his face, since that was all he needed to know I was sure.

I pulled off his jeans, and he removed my shorts. He traced my waist as he marked my neck and chest, and soon I we were naked and lying on my unmade bed. I hadn't had the energy nor motivation to clean since we'd broken up.

As he caressed one breast with his hand and sucked on the other with his cherry lips, his remaining hand wandered down my stomach to my hips to-

He slipped one finger into me, and I gasped lightly. He waited a few seconds before moving his finger in and out slowly. He started speeding up, and then slid in another one. I moaned.

He moved up to my lips again, and I moaned quietly into his mouth as he bit on my bottom lip.

He pulled out, and readied himself. He stopped suddenly. I opened my eyes, body trembling and sweaty. He looked around, and I realised. I quickly got out a condom from the bottom drawer of my dresser. I never thought I'd use one.

He sighed with relief and slid it on.

I was so blinded by love that I could hardly think about what I was doing, and whether or not I'd regret it later on.

He held onto my waist as he leaned down and kissed me, and I mumbled an 'okay'. He gently entered me, and I winced. Once I'd adjusted, he thrust carefully. He kept his lips on mine, possibly trying to distract me from the pain I was feeling. He gradually picked up the pace, making sure not to go too fast.

He was too good at this, and I knew he'd taken so many girls' virginities. I really hoped I wouldn't regret this.

Once the pain turned to pleasure, I moved my hips against him and he went faster. I moaned loudly, and felt myself blush. He left lovebites wherever his lips touched, his hands running over my coloured body.