The Trial

Thirty

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Once someone dies there gone , gone forever , at least that what I thought.

I lay on my bed , replaying the chain of events that have just occurred , hitting the reply button over and over again. I can't get his eyes out of my mind , his lips his body , his button nose, his perfect jaw line are all images in my head that I can't erase. He's gone , he's gone this time For real. I keep hoping in my mind that he'll wake up , he'll come and knock on my door and he'll bridal carry me out of this town , out of this cruel world and we'll live together just me and him against the world , we wouldn't need anything else , as long as we had each other.

Suicide warning...

I can't sleep. I cant even close my eyes. I get up out of my bed and walk into the kitchen. I grab the remote that's on the counter and turn on the little tv in the kitchen , i flick through the channels , I chuck the remote down on the island in frustration. I turn and open the fridge , I grab a bottle of water and lean my body on the counter. I reach up to the cupboard and take out a bottle of pills.

I stand there for a while in a daze , I push the lid down and twist it at the same time, I shake the bottle and some pills lay in my shaking hands . I open my water bottle slowly twist the lid , I chuck the pills in my mouth . I hesitantly bring the ice cold water to my lips , I tilt my head back slightly , the liquid feels nice going down my throat other than the little lumps of pills, I breath out and sigh I put the lid back on the bottle , I chuck it on the counter.

I go and sit in the couch , my wondering eyes keep making it back to the pills and the water. I reach over and grab them , both in my hands . I open the pill bottle once again. I take one pill and swallow it , drowning the numbing , pain relieving medicine in water , I take another one , I can't stop myself , another , two more this time , now 4 at a time my body is out of control, this carries on for about 2 minuets. Heavy breathing and sobs cut through the silent room like a blade.

Before I know it I'm drinking the very last sip of my water , and I take the very last pill. The Disney show is now on tv , I watch Hannah Montana, I used to watch this when I was a kid , she's taking her wig off , revealing to everyone that she was in fact Miley Stuart. A tear rolls down my eyes as memories flash through my mind , me and my parents , I was singing the best of both worlds , I had a long blonde wig on and a microphone close to my lips.

My eyes blur up and I feel them slowly close , I'm happy , I'm about to be in peace I'm about to sleep for the first time in what feels like forever , I'm about to sleep and never wake up . I'm happy about that. I'm going to see Ethan again. I'm going to be happy with him and live happily ever after. Just as my eyes are about to slam shut , just as darkness is about to consume me. Just as I'm about to walk those steps to heaven and leave this earth I can see a blurred figure moving in between my damp eyelashes. 

It's too late , I smile , a thumb wipes a tear of my cheek , the figure shouts something but I can't make out the words. I recognise the voice ,I recognise the figure , I recognise that birth mark in his cheek , that purple strip at the front of his hair. "A...am I in heaven?" I ask through curved lips ?

I'm sorry guys for the sad chapters I just really like writing depressing things(is that bad?) but I feel like imma end this book soon... and there might be a sequel ;) 🙃 anyways brb loves ya xoxo

Mwah 💋