Rant/Stat/Diary

oh my god

okay so first, I just looked back at some of my old chapters and realized I said my exes NAME on here. I'm just. I can't believe. I'm such a dumbass. the worst part is I was talking about how amazing he was and how much I loved him and now it's just like :/// ugh I still do love him (hahahahahahhafuckingkillmeplease) but shits complicated, which leads me to the second thing

alright so I'm so upset. it's one thing to completely cut me out of your life but it's another to do it out of nowhere and never even tell me why. damn. like really all he did was send a text and it was over. everything. the friend/relationship we built over past 2 school years. we don't speak to each other anymore. he wants nothing to do with me and I have no idea why.

I really miss when he liked me. I miss when he would protect me and now, he doesn't give a fuck. his friends threw stuff at me today and he just watched. I cried in the class we have together and he didn't ask if I was okay or ANYTHING. I don't know what to do about this. I have to stop talking about it and pretend to get over him so my friends don't get annoyed and no one knows. he just hurt me so bad. I don't think he understands what it's like to be told you're loved then a few hours later you get cut off, completely.  I keep thinking he's going to want me back but I know it won't happen.

my friends are trying to figure out why he just ended it like that. they both said he likes someone else and of course, it's this one girl who went to school with him before. he must have just never stopped liking her and stopped liking me. and that girl used to be my friend but haha not anymore. I'm pretty sure she hates me. so..ya know.. pain is hashtag fun. I just love holding back tears all day! seriously. I know I said this in the last part of this book but looking at him pains me so so much. now even thinking about him hurts.

I don't know why I love him so much. he text broke up with me. I should hate him. but I really can't hate someone like him. it's just impossible. if you know him, you probably know what I mean. he's so fucking sweet and cute and ugh. I really lost someone like that in my life lmao I'm never gonna get that back.

earlier in English class today I just started thinking about how much I miss him talking to me or even at least looking at me. he used to hug me in the hall and kiss the top of my head. I fucking miss that. I miss him. fuck. I don't know. I love him.