Rant/Stat/Diary

:/

hi im rlly sad because my friend was texting me about the ex i still love n she said he likes someone else n i mean I expected this to happen sooner or later but I didn't realize it would be that soon n it just really fucking hurts like Im basically back where I fucking started this year. it's like all the progress we made it totally gone and it's painful to just sit here and still be in love with him like I've loved him since the first fucking day of last year and I never stopped. in August that'll make it 2 years since I started liking him n I don't think I'm going to ever get over him hahhahahahahhaha hahahahaha anyway I only wrote this on here because it's a little easier to rant bc barely anyone reads this compared to social media where more people see it n either way y'all are mostly strangers so like,, idk some part of me feels more comfortable talking to strangers.

but back on the topic, I just feel lied to bc she said he broke up with me bc he liked her but he told me he still had feelings for me :///// I really don't know what to think and now he wants to sit with me at lunch after I've been told he was tired of me like ??? idk maybe he only dated me bc he was desperate or something but it never felt like it bc he actually treated me amazingly u like the other assholes I dated and like I have real feelings for this guy. it's not like the other 2 when I just liked that they liked me and was kinda blinded by that. I don't even know what to do or say anymore bc we only dated less than 3 months and it's already going to be 3 weeks since he broke it off so my friends r vv annoyed with me bc I literally always talk about it and I need to shut the fuck up but I just feel a Lot of feelings for this boy and honestly if you knew him like I do you'd understand why. he sat next to me when I was crying and said he wouldn't leave me (this was last year before we dated) and he's always so so nice to me and somehow he's not even awkward I really think I've only met one other person like that before. he just deserves so much happiness and I just really fucking love him. I somehow just Knew the first day of last year that I was gonna like him and I did and I still do I just don't think I ever thought I'd be fighting tears because we broke up and he likes someone else. honestly I never even thought he'd date me but then he did and like it's just crazy. we went from total strangers to best friends to kinda friends to dating to strangers to friends?? and one of the worst parts is that earlier, he texted me and asked if I would sit with him at lunch and I got my hopes up n thought he wanted to get back together or something and then like a half hour later I get a fucking text from my friend telling me all this shit I seriously don't know how to survive this I can't even focus on other things I literally sit there and day dream about him most of the time during class and I'm probably falling way behind uh I really want to die even though he's just a boy and we're still young I fucking love him what did I do wrong why doesn't he love me anymore how can I fix this I want him to love me again I miss what we had I miss hugging him all the time and no one could make us awkward I love him. fuck.