Rant/Stat/Diary

:(

I'm in my room trying not to cry it's so fucking hard my mom kept hitting me and trying to pull my hair out and she hit where I already had a bruise from getting kicked in the face yesterday. She usually isn't this mean but I'm fucking sick of dealing with her shit. She thinks that she can walk all over my dad and me because we do whatever she asks. My house is so toxic but I never get to leave. No one genuinely cares about me. I can't go anywhere I'm just stuck here all alone because I'm an only child with no friends why am I so alone what did I fucking do to deserve this. I'm such a horrible person I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm fucking sorry this probably sounds like I'm just whining but I really can't do anything. One day they act like they care about me and the next they hate me. It's mostly just my mom. She expects us to do whatever she says but I can't and I'm sick of this and her and I feel so bad for my dad because he gets blamed for every thing that goes wrong and she always yells at him. She pretends everyone else is toxic but it's the other way around.  I can't deal with not knowing if she's going to like me or hate me everyday. Her mood swings are too fucking much for me to handle I can't fucking do this. I hate that I'm an only child I wish I had someone. People always talk about how annoying their siblings are and how good being an old child is but it's not. It's lonely and boring. You don't get everything you want, there's no one to stand by you. Unless your parents are rich and you have friends over all the time it's nothing like that. I have no freedom. I'm trapped in my house all the time with people who hate me. I fucking hate this. I never go on vacation or go to someone's house. I'm not even fucking allowed to walk around outside. I'm a teenager now and they refuse to accept I want to be able to do things that everyone else is allowed to do. I wish I could just accept myself and love myself and be pretty and skinny and I wish people liked me. Why do I have to be so socially awkward and weird why was i born like this why can't I just fucking leave I want to go somewhere and never come back to this shitty place.