Fix you (Harry Styles)

CHAPTER 54

CHAPTER 54

MERCY'S POV

To be or not to be.

It is said that the sentence, or quote mentioned above is the question. It is considered as the hardest philosophical question.

However, I have always disagreed with that statement.

Personally, I've always believed that the true question, that a person must ask to themselves has always been the following question : 'Am I happy?'

Honestly, if another person asks me the same question, I would always answer with a confident 'YES' and a warm smile. Whearas, whenever I asked myself the same question, I found it quite hard to reply with a 'YES'.

'Am I happy?'

I didn't know. As soon as I realized I was fooled once again, as soon as I was disappointed by a loved-one again, I knew I wasn't happy. I never was.

But then again, I felt clueless. I was neither happy, nor sad. I was so used to emotional pain, deceive, sadness and despair while being alone. Also, I was so used to happiness while being with the love of my life, Harry. That I wasn't so certain of my feelings anymore, I wasn't sure of my emotions and my mood.

Ever since I were a child, I had to deal with various situations in which I was disappointed and hurt.

I was not worthy of love, and I was certainly not good enough for anyone.

And Harry did nothing but prove all of those thoughts. He stole my most precious belonging, and ran away.

Because of him, my happiness was so dependent on him, and when he left, my happiness left with him as well, my heart rran away with him and I felt as if I were a robot, with no emotions whatsoever.

I was deceived, and left by almost everyone in my life. From my own father, to 99% of my friends. Every single one of them exploiting me, taking advantage of me, using my weakness against me and then ended up leaving me.

I looked into the mirror, and asked myself once again if I were happy, to find myself crying out of the blue.

I gazed to myself, looking to my soul that laid beneath my eyes, and I saw a lonely, sad, and self-conscious girl.

For years, I was surrounded by fake people who didn't care about me whatsoever. Although I had plenty of friends, I felt so alone. Growing up while feeling so lonely had a huge role in making me emotionally drained.

There were no sources of happiness in my life, or at least that was what I thought.

And then I was proved wrong when Harry came into my life, and fixed a part of me.

Before he met me, I was verbally abused by my boyfriend, cheated on, taken advantage of, my love for him exploited, lied to and fooled. I was also surrounded my so many fake friends, including Zach who had convinced me he was interested in me and cared about me, but ended up leaving me every single time and losing interest in me after giving me false hopes.

And the list is so long.

And then I met Harry, he put me in a temporary state of amnesia. I forgot about all the tragic events of my past that made me feel so...little. And he dragged me to a happy world, a lie.

Him and Justin were similar, they both stole something from me and took it away, forever. Damaging my soul, for good.

I didn't know what true happiness felt like. It was like my soul was numb, incapable of being familiar to happiness, and unable of indentifying sadness. It became careless, like a paralyzed person who couldn't feel anything. My soul was paralyzed.