A Million Reasons Why

Small bump

                I'm standing in the mirror, looking at myself. I'm not drop dead gorgeous but if I try hard enough I can look pretty. My hair is shorter than most girls, my body type is kind of stocky. I used to be skinnier, but then an accident happened and I put on weight. I turn to my side and I can see that I'm showing now. Just a little, but not much. Not enough to draw any attention. I'm wearing nice jeans and a bodysuit with a black embroidered jacket. I did my hair and put on makeup today, I don't look half bad. I go downstairs and throw on my boots and then hop into my friends jeep as we ride to school. She talks about herself a lot, but I don't mind it much. It doesn't bother me. I enjoy hearing her stories. When we get to school, I take off my jacket and put it over my stomach and upper legs. I get through math and then I go to theatre because that's the seminar we have today. It's a short time but I get to take a goofy photo with one of my best male friends. He keeps me sane on most occasions. 

             Before I get to English I go to the bathroom and I lock the door to the entire bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror again. Then I look down at my stomach and I hold it a little.
" I don't care if I'm alone in this world with you. I'm going to love you no matter what."
Then I start crying and I fall to the floor. I'm in the bathroom for about 15 minutes before someone uses a key to unlock the door and they find me. I end up in the counselors office for about twenty minutes. I tell him I'm just going through a hard time. Which is true, I was. There were many things going on at home and I had just lost my aunt to cancer. After that, I get a pass to go to English. I'm quiet the entire rest of the day up until I get home. When I get home, I go up to my room and strip off the clothes I had on and put on something much more comfy. Then I watch some Netflix and eat food in my bed.

       I fell asleep for a while and wake up sweating. Shit, I had another night terror... Why did nobody hear me or wake me? I look at the clock, it reads '2:03am'. That explains why... I look up at my ceiling and I start talking to myself and my bump.
" I know that you don't know this yet, but the world is cold and ugly. Our family isn't the best, but we are there for each other. Your daddy isn't here, but he loves you, I promise."
I just continue to ramble on until I fall back asleep. I wake up the next morning not feeling like really going to school. So I end up being there for 15 minutes and then my mom comes and gets me.
Life scares me, frequently. Yet I know I'll be okay, I know we will be okay. Even if it breaks us just a little bit.