A Million Reasons Why

Flatline

      You have two things in your hand that can end your life. One is a bottle of OxyContin. The other is a 3" pocket knife that has touched your skin far too many times to count... so you choose both. You swallow as many pills as you can, then you sit in your favorite chair. You're in your comfiest clothes, ready to end it. So you slice into your porcelain skin as many times as you can until you almost pass out from pain. The blood rushes to the surface and it's flowing quickly. You cut again, but this time. Vertically. Making a deep cross into your wrist. You set the knife down and you lean your head back. 

          You know your mom will be home soon and when she walks in the door all she's gonna see is you. Dead. You close your eyes and let the pills and the blood loss do its job. Within about 45 minutes your heart rate is dangerously low. Within an hour and a half you've died, but your last thought before your body shut down was; " Maybe things could have been fixed. Maybe I should've just tried harder. Maybe I could've got help" but you didn't. You gave up. And now your mother walks through the door with your siblings and they're screaming. They shake you to try and wake you up, but you're already gone. They call 911, frantic and in a panicked state. They come and they confirm that you're dead. Now your mother is depressed and grieving. Your sister drinks and cuts herself. Your brother doesn't play sports anymore and now he's a bully. Your best friend thinks it's her fault. Your girlfriend hung herself three days later. Now her family is going through a traumatic time too. 

You see all this happening through a thin veil that you've been allowed to see through. You now have to watch over your family and watch your friends struggle to continue through life... all because you chose the only way you saw to be happy. Some of them understood, others didn't.

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Suicide isn't an answer. I know life can get really tough, and you may be facing some very difficult stuff. If you ever are having those thoughts, talk to someone. Talk to a friend, get ahold of the national suicide hotline. Even talk to me. I'm just a stranger but I can help. Please don't feel like you're alone. You're beautiful and so is your life.