"Baby, please open the door. I'm sorry for yelling at you... please talk to me."
I can hear Adilyns' cries from the other side of the door. This is the fourth fight we've had this week, and I feel like I'm failing as a girlfriend. She hasn't been the same since her brother Adam died. She's been suicidal and her depression has been much worse.
"Adi, please speak to me... I know I haven't made anything easier on you lately, will you let me make this right? I love you so much."
" Go away Eryn... just go away..."
I didn't leave, but I sat next to the bathroom door just in case something happened. I start singing songs to her so maybe she will relax. I still hear her crying, then she stops. I think maybe she's feeling better. I get up and go to open the door and it's locked.
" Adilyn, open the door. It's just me, I want to check on you." No answer.
"Adilyn... answer me please."
I knock several times, still no answer. So I use the key I hide from her for this reason. I open the door and my jaw drops open.
" ADILYN!!! NO. PLEASE! No..."
I pick her up in my arms and see the deep cuts she has on her wrists. I shake her and keep saying her name. She still has a heartbeat so I call 911.
"Hello?... yes... my girlfriend has cut her wrists very deep and isn't responding... please come quickly..."
The dispatch stays on the phone with me until the ambulance gets here. They take her and they try to calm me down. I'm crying hysterically because I'm so afraid to lose her.
We finally reach the hospital and they give me something to calm down while they take her into the OR so they can try to save her. I keep trying to relax but I can't, that's the love of my life who's dying in that room and I can't see her. I start pacing back and forth in the waiting room. It feels like forever when the surgeon comes out and has me sit down. They ask me if I would like to see her and I immediately say yes.
He walks me down to the room she's in. There's nothing attached to her. No IV's. No monitors. I fall into my knees and scream.
" NO! YOU CAN'T BE DEAD!!! Come back to me!! I love you!!"
I crawl to her and I lay my head on her chest and continue crying. I pick her body up and try to feel what warmth is left in her body.
" Hold on, I still want you... Come back, I still need you..."
YOU ARE READING
A Million Reasons Why
PoetryThis is a collection of poems and short stories. There isn't going to be a million things. Maybe a million words. These poems and short stories do have some themes that might be mature. Contains themes about suicide and death.
