It's been four years since that day and I replay it like it was just yesterday. It's memories like that that keep me sane, huh Sane my Evangeline Sane. Things have changed, a lot has changed matter of fact. This is our third tour and it feels like just a day ago I was waving back at my family as I drove back to boot camp. The day I had to tell her goodbye for what i thought was a little while, turned out to be a long year. I wish it was as easy as the days at the beach with the singing raven. Sitting on the beach waiting for the warning sneeze telling you you better get back before you get sick. I wish I was still joined at the hip with my best friend, my first best friend. Now I have 4 more that I see every waking second. No complaint there.
Don't jump to conclusions, what I meant was that I wish I was with her every second of the day like old times. Evangeline's battle turned into the civil war, that's the one that lasted a couple years right? God I don't know I haven't opened a text book in years. Anyways, her battle was like a light switch. They said it went away, then it came or gone and then by the third time she made it her decision to say enough was enough and to accept the fact cancer was written in her DNA. I wish she could see all this, see the things I have seen, meet the people you never thought knew your name. I wish I could visit her more, a plane ride every few weeks turned into every few months, one time it was a year. Sometimes I'd fake I was sick to get out of studio time so I can see her when they text me; code blue which was code for she was depressed, code pink was she missed me, code red was when she felt like it was getting worse and she was on her way to the hospital.
I thank her nurse for the texts every time I'm there. Even if it's for an hour I'd sit there with her and go through the tears and hugs. Saying goodbye was always the hardest. Knowing I now have to leave her in that hospital room while I was off to a new country was the negative side of my job. It doesn't even feel like a job really. "Five more minutes boys." I stand from the couch and fold back up the only picture I have of us and tuck it in my back pocket and kiss the small bird on my right hand for Evan and grab the microphone. Standing by the entrance I can hear and feel the screaming in my chest.
"You okay man?" I turn to Liam and nod. Another night another show. When I walk up there I wish I could see her face when I sing at the top of my voice because she taught me to give it my all and forget what everyone says. Sometimes I wish when I look down at the front row it's not some random fan screaming at me, I wish more than anything it was her. I imagine her jumping and screaming the lyrics at me with her eyes closed and arms out. Her making faces at me and smiling. That's what I miss out of all this. Her. I miss the car rides, running through the empty beach and sitting and singing the same song for ages. But now I'm making new memories, new traditions. I have a girlfriend and things are getting serious after 3 years. I met Perry in boot camp and we hit it off after I failed to wait for Evangeline, the day i told her i was with Perry was confusing. She said she was happy but i could see the real hurt behind her eyes. Her eyes, i miss those too.
Back in the dressing room now I change into a new less sweatier pair of pants. "Zayn." I turn to Michelle and she hands me my phone. "It's an emergency." I can feel the guy's eyes on me. I can tell they are getting tired of my lame excuses.
"Liz?" I say Evan's nurse's name into the phone and I step further into the corner of the room. She never calls, the last time she called was when Evangeline was arguing with everyone because she was the only one who wanted to stop the treatments and she had ran from the hospital. I was the only one who knew our hiding spot.
"Code blue, and it's not just any blue she's bad this time, worse than all the rest. It was a code pink but it quickly escalated." I start to pace and they call out 10 more minute. I scramble on a new pair of pants and wipe the sweat from my face. Why is it so damn hot in here.
