Kelsies POV
I couldn't think.
I couldn't speak. Hell, I couldn't even cry.
I couldn't feel anything.
All I could do was drive.
I drove for what felt like hours, I didn't even know where i was going, until I found myself standing on the edge of the cliff Finn brought me to just a few days ago.
Im so fucking stupid, i mean Finn and I didn't talk for a couple of months, what did i think he was doing in those months?
Sitting by the phone missing me as much as I missed him?
No way. I mean, hes Finn fucking Wolfhard, how could he not have found somebody new in that time. She was probably amazing, everything i wasnt.
She was probably tall and blonde and beautiful, and he probably liked her a million times more than he ever liked me.
Hell, he probably saw how much of a mess i was and just felt bad for me, he didnt mean anything he said or did. It was all just out of pity.
The worst part wasn't the betrayal, or the complete and utter emptiness I felt. It wasnt the fact that i was so sad it physically hurt.
No, the worst part wasn't what he did.
It was the fact that i was so blinded by my love for him that I couldn't see what was really going on.
I fell down onto the ground and a sob ripped from my body, not being able to hold in the emotions anymore.
I curled up in a ball and stared out at the ocean, crying my eyes out until I had no tears left to cry.
I knew it was pathetic that i was getting so worked up over him, i mean he was just a boy after all, right??
Wrong.
He was so much more than that to me, and as hard as I was trying to just pretend that he didnt matter, and that what he did didnt phase me, it did.
And it sucked ass. Majorly.
The sun was begging to set, and I pulled myself together enough to sit up and try to enjoy it.
I hugged my knees and rocked back and forth to calm myself down, and eventually it worked.
The tears stopped coming, and it was almost like I could feel my heart hardening.
"Why are you here, wasting your precious time and tears on someone who doesnt give a single shit about you? If he really loved you- hell, if he even respected you, he would've dumped your pathetic ass before going out with another girl."
Saying that didnt make things any better, in fact it made things worse.
The longer I sat here and thought, the more I realized. And that was the last thing I needed.
I was tired of thinking.
I hopped out of my car and walked up to the building that i was sadly so familiar with.
A few months ago this is where i spent pretty much every night, sometimes even sleeping on the bathroom floor.
As soon as I walked up the usher, Paul, recognized me.
"Kelsie! Long time no see!"
"Hey Paul. I'm not on the list, I didn't plan on coming here tonight.. is there anyway you could help me out?"
He checked over the list quickly before averting his attention back to me.
"Yeah it's not too busy tonight, go on in. But if anyone asks, this conversation never happened" he said, winking at me knowingly. I thanked him and walked inside.
Instantly the smell of weed and alcohol filled my nose, bringing back glimpses of nights I don't remember.
I see various people I know, but i dont care enough to try to make conversation with any of them. Besides, I probably look like a mess anyway from crying my eyes out.
I walk up to the bar and take a seat next to a group of loud annoying girls. I roll my eyes at their obnoxiousness, seriously not in the mood.
"Kelsie?" I whip my head in the direction of the voice and see the bartender, Chris. He smiles warmly at me, and leans against the counter.
"Haven't seen you in ages. Where you been?"
I laugh stiffly and shake my head
"gotta be honest im not really in the mood to talk about that"
He seems to catch my vibe and nods, smiling softly. "Well what can i get for you?"
"Ill take a martini" i pause for a second
"actually make that two, because lets be honest im gonna end up getting another one later on anyway."
He nods again and heads off to get my drinks, and i drum my fingers on the counter and look around.
He comes back with my drinks, and i thank him before downing them both.
I grimace as I feel the alcohol hit my system, but shake it off and head to the dance floor.
I dance by myself for a little bit then get parched and go back to the bar to get a beer.
Then another.
Then another.
And another one after that.
And a few more that i cant count.
At this point im so fucked up that i can barely tell which way is up, but at the same time its not that bad because im used to this feeling.
I feel light and happy, without a care in the world.
In fact, i dont even remember why i came here.
Why did I? I laugh out loud, and shake my head.
It's so funny that I don't even remember why I came here.
I accidentally bump into someone, and turn around like im gonna yell at them.
The girl whips her head around and glares at me like shes mad too, then we both break out in laughter and start dancing together.
She's with a group of a bunch of other girls and I dance with them too, laughing my ass off for no reason and feeling completely care free.
Some dude comes up behind me and tries to grind on me, and i push him off me, then step on his toe with my stiletto heel. This makes all the girls laugh and the boy gets the message and heads off to prey on some other girl.
The rest of the night is a blur of dancing and drinking various drinks, at one point even jello shots.
I danced until i couldnt anymore, and drank until i couldnt hold it in anymore, then ran to the bathroom and puked my guts up.
I didn't even know what time it was, all i knew was that the effects where wearing off and i was beginning to feel dead inside again.
And with that, i laid down on the floor and fell asleep.
