I wanted to throw myself off a cliff into a pit of lava filled with crocodiles and sharks with boulders tied to my legs.
Thats how fucked up this hangover was.
I honestly don't remember most of what happened last night, and im not sure i want to.
All I know is that Finn is sleeping on the ground next to my bed, so something pretty bad must've happened.
The longer I think about it, the more comes back to me.
Finn cheated.
I got pissed.
I partied like a fucking animal.
Finn came and found me and tried to take me home.
I yelled at him.
Ella and Jack were there for some reason.
WAIT ella told Finn where to find me.
Then I passed the fuck out in the car.
My jaw hits the floor when I remember what I did in more detail.
I fucking snorted cocaine? 3 times? I drank beer? I dont even like beer! And something about a sister? I dont have one do I?
My eyes widen. Oh my fucking god what if i met my long lost sister last night?? Is that what all this sister shit is about?
I try to sit up but cant, due to the fact that an invisible elephant is sitting on my head and an army is stomping on my brain.
Then a wave of nausea rushes over me and I sprint to the bathroom to puke my insides out.
I feel someone pull my hair back and turn to see Finn. I smile softly at him, knowing we're most likely gonna fight when im done puking up everything ive eaten in the past 3 years.
Finally I finish, and thank him quietly before walking past him and downstairs. I go to the fridge and grab a water and sit down at the counter with my head in my hands.
I really dont want to talk to Finn, but I know it's inevitable, so i just gotta suck it up and bite the bullet. I hear his footsteps behind me and he leans against the counter in front of me.
A silence falls between us, and unlike the normal ones, this one is super awkward.
"im gonna be completely honest with you, last night was fucked up and i really dont want to talk about it, but i know we have to" i say, breaking the awkward tension.
He nods slightly and takes a deep breath.
"Alright, where should we start"
"The beginning. At the cafe" i cringe remembering the feeling i felt when i saw him with that girl. I shake my head and try to keep my emotions under control.
"Well, after the meeting I was absolutely exhausted, since we were out so late the night before. So I was gonna stop and get coffee on the way home so i wouldnt be tired for our date. When I was there, this girl came up to me and she was telling me how much of a fan she was, so i invited her to sit down and she bought me a drink and stuff. We just talked, i swear thats all that happened. She told me about herself and stuff like that. Then I saw your car zooming away and tried to follow you, but i lost you.
I tried to call you like a hundred times and you weren't answering so i was really worried and decided to swing by your house to check on you.
Obviously you werent there but Ella and Jack were, and Ella told me where to find you"
Im having trouble comprehending all this. I get that the girl was a fan so he didn't want to be rude to her. But he didn't have to get that cozy with her. He couldve just said hi and left, but he invited her to stay.
And he got to know her. He didnt have to do that either. And i saw the way he was smiling and laughing with her, he looked too happy. Maybe even happier than he is with me?
The thing about coming to find me is a whole other thing. I obviously wanted space, he should've just given it to me instead of being the 'hero' and coming after me.
"Finn I really want to believe that it's as simple as that, but it's not. I saw the way you were looking at her, and it killed me. You didn't have to hang out with her as long as you did either. You could've just said hi and left it at that.
And the thing about following me bothers me, I wish it didnt but it does. I just wanted some time alone to cool off, you know I'd have talked to you eventually"
I say this just to keep him calm, but I honestly dont know if i wouldve
"and then you came and found me. I know i was fucked up so i probably over reacted, but you shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have tried to force me to talk to you"
His face is hard to read, and that just makes me feel even worse. The last thing i want to do is ruin a good thing, but i have to be honest with him.
"The way I was looking at her? Kelsie she was 12. Fucking 12. You just read the situation wrong. And the thing about following you?
Im not gonna apologize for that. I did that because i care about you, and im not apologizing for caring about you. I just wanted to make sure that you were safe, thats all. I know it got out of hand but i didnt come to fight with you or force you to forgive me. I saw how fucked up you were and thought it would be best to take you home before you got any more fucked up"
"see thats another thing though. you acted based off what you thought was best for me. That should be up to me. I dont need you to make decisions for me.
I need to feel like i have a little bit of independence, im not putting myself in another relationship where i dont"
Finn scoffs and rolls his eyes at this
"Jesus im not trying to take your independence Kelsie. I was just worried about you. I did what i thought was best for you, and us. Cant you see that im fucking head over heels in love with you? The last thing I'd ever do is something that would hurt you"
I dont even know how to respond to that, so i just sit there in silence. His words catch me off guard, this is the first time he's said he loves me since our last relationship.
Finn takes my silence the wrong way though.
He runs his fingers through his hair quickly before saying " i need some air" and walking out the front door.
I sit there after he leaves, silently breaking yet again.
He just admitted that he loves me.
And I fucked it up.
