Finns POV
As soon as I walk out, Kelsie shuts the door behind me.
I keep myself calm until im in the guest room, then as soon as i shut the door and im sure she cant hear me, i lose it.
I grab the pillows off the bed and chuck them at the wall, letting my anger take over me.
Then i feel my heart break a little more, and all my anger fades into complete and utter sadness.
Im so stupid. So fucking stupid.
I should've told her about Iris as soon as i saw her again.
Hell, i never shouldve dated her in the first place. She really meant nothing to me, and now because im a fucking idiot, ive ruined the best thing thats ever happened to me.
I hurt the most amazing girl ive ever met...
And for what?
Some random girl i used as a crutch?
I wish i could tell Kelsie how i feel.
I wish i could tell her how Iris meant nothing to me, absolutely nothing compared to her.
But i cant. Its too late.
Ive screwed up one too many times, and now i have to deal with it.
I know we've had a lot of issues lately, and I completely understand that she needs some space from me.
I just wish things were different.
Not just between us, but everything.
I wish she could have a normal life, one without fear.
I wish she could feel safe alone, not constantly worrying about Jacob.
I wish she could be home with her friends right now, i know she misses them a lot.
Its not fair of me to treat her like this, she's already going through so much as it is.
But theres one thing i cant get out of my head.
The fact that i only tell her i love her when we're fighting.
I wish i didnt, ive just been so scared to be vulnerable with her, and to tell her how i feel.
I dont know why, i just have.
And i feel like i can only tell her i love her when we're fighting, because thats when im not thinking about it, its just the heat of the moment.
I would never do anything to purposely hurt her.
Especially not use my love against her.
She needs to know that. I need to man up and tell her how i feel.
For a second i put my hand on the door handle, contemplating whether or not i should go try to talk to her, but I decide not too
She needs some space right now, we both do.
What am i saying. I dont need space, hell, i dont even want it.
I sigh and flop back onto the bed.
Its not nearly as comfortable as the other one, but oh well.
I look over at the clock and see its well past midnight, and im exhausted.
I sigh again and drift off into a rough, dreamless sleep.
I wake up to what i think is the sound of sniffing.
I roll over and look at the clock, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Its 3:38am.
I hear the sniffling noise again, and sit up, knowing that its Kelsie.
I can hear her muttering things too, but i cant understand what shes saying.
I walk over and pause at the door.
What if she doesn't want to see me?
I dont want to make things any worse than they already are.
No. I dont care. She's hurting and i need to see if shes okay.
A burst of confidence causes me to open the door, and quietly walk over to our- her room.
I stand outside the door for a sec, then open it as quietly as i can.
The lights are all off, and shes laying sprawled out in the middle of the bed, all the covers thrown to the floor.
Her face is screwed up like shes having a bad dream, and shes shaking like crazy.
"No" she mutters quietly under her breath, then a little louder
"No no no no!" She practically yells, and im suprised she hasnt woke herself up yet.
"Jacob.." she mutters, and her shaking gets even worse.
I need to wake her up.
I gently shake her awake, softly saying her name.
"Kelsie" i say a couple times, as gently as i can
"Wake up"
Suddenly she bursts awake, gasping loudly and whimpering, then sitting straight up, she doesn't seem to notice me.
Then her wide eyes shift over to me and i see theyre full of tears, and i feel my heart break a little.
"Im sorry-"
Before i can finish what im saying, she cuts me off by hugging me. Shes still shaking, but the longer i hug her, the less she shakes.
Her rapid breathing starts to return to normal, and she pulls away, looking down
"Did i wake you up?"
"Kinda, but dont worry its okay"
She looks at me sadly, her face full of guilt
"Im sorry-"
"Kelsie really its okay. Youre more important to me than sleep"
Through the dark i can see a little smile crack on her face, and she sighs deeply
"You alright?" I ask quietly, rubbing little circles on her back. She nods
"Just a bad dream" she says quietly, avoiding my eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head no, so i dont push.
I help her get re-situated, putting her covers on her and turning off the light i turned on.
I make sure she's completely comfortable before heading to the door, pausing before i walk out
"Goodnight Kelsie" i say quietly, and just as im about to shut the door, she stops me
"Finn?"
"Yeah?" I ask, turning to face her
"Will you stay with me? Just until i fall asleep... I completely understand if youre too tired, i know im such a burden and-"
"Kels, its okay ill stay"
Mental fist pump
I make my way over to her, and sit in the chair next to the bed
"Will you... just lay with me a for a little?" She asks shyly, catching me off guard, but i lay down next to her anyway.
We lay in silence for a while, a few feet apart, and im pretty sure she's already asleep.
Suddenly, she starts whimpering and shaking again. She mutters something under her breath, groaning and shaking her head.
She must be having a nightmare again.
"No" she groans, beginning to shake harder.
I know i shouldnt do this, she may get mad at me if she wakes up, but at this point i dont care.
I gently wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest, laying my head on top of hers.
Almost instantaneously, the shaking stops.
She cuddles herself deeper into my chest, and i wrap my arms tighter around her.
I cant leave now.
I hear her sigh contently, then let sleep take over me.
