The Lost Shadowhunter

9

"Jace, do you think I'm a bad person?" I ask after minutes of comfortable silence.
"What makes you ask that?" He responds.
"Just answer the question.''
"No, Arabella, I don't think you're a bad person."
"Are you sure? Because I'm really starting to be sure that I am."
"Why would you be a bad person?" He inquires.
"I just am, Jace. I hurt people. I break hearts. I'm a vampire, for god's sake."
"You haven't hurt me." He states.
I sigh, "but I will. I hurt everyone. I destroy everything in my path, without ever regretting it."
"I think you just need to own up to everything you've done. It could help clear your conscious."
"Maybe you're right, but where would I start?"
"Start with me. Tell me anything you could possibly want to apologize for."
I think for a moment, "when we were ten, I used to steal your things and blame it on Alec and Izzy. A little over a year ago, I saw you walking down the street. I didn't talk to you because, although I missed you, you all thought I was dead. I'm sorry that I went missing for years. It seemed like I was doing the right thing at the time, but now I see that I would've been better off with you guys. Lastly, I'm sorry that I'm such a bitch."
"Wait a minute, so it wasn't Alec that stole my favorite dagger when we were little?'' He gapes.
I scoff, "of course not."
"Arabella Ravenhart, you've betrayed me!" He gasps dramatically.
I push him playfully.
After a moment, we stand up and I hug him tight.
"Thank you, Jace, for everything. I love you."
"I love you too, Ara." He laughs, "now go apologize to everyone else."
"I'll be back tonight, I think I really owe Raphael an apology."
I sneak out of the institute and walk to the Dumort.
"Do you know where Raphael is?" I ask the first person I see when I walk in.
"Wasn't my turn to watch him." She states, and walks away. Well that was rude.
After looking for what seems like forever, I finally find him.
"Hey, Raphael!" I shout to get his attention, as he is down the hall from me.
"Arabella. I thought you had decided you were too good to be here." He remarks.
"Listen, Raphael. I came to apologize. I'm sorry if I made you think that. My mind makes it easy for me to feel trapped. I can't stay cooped up in one place too long before I feel like I have no way out. I'm sorry that I've been a raging bitch and I'm sorry that I made you think it was because of you."
"Apology accepted." He states.
I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him for a long time.
"Are you ever going to let go of me?" He jokes.
"I hope not." I smile, and back away after a moment.
"So are you going to stay here from now on?"
"Of course, but I would like to leave whenever I please. I can't be confined into one place."
"That can be arranged." He puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me to his room.
I kiss him the second we the door is closed. He kisses me back, put pulls away after a moment.
"Can we just talk for a little while?" He asks.
"Of course, is something bothering you?" I question as I sit down.
"Nothing is wrong, I just want us to have a better understanding of each other."
I nod.
"What do you like to do?"
"I like to train and fight--"
He cuts me off, "I mean what do you really like to do? Not just shadowhunter things."
I think for a moment, "music. I've always loved music. Singing, playing piano, things like that. I never really had the chance to do anything though."
"Why didn't you do it when you were pretending to be a mundane?"
"I don't really know, it just didnt seem like the right time I guess. And I have a question for you."
He nods, "What is it?"
"What are you afraid of?"
"If I'm being honest, which I always try to be, I am afraid of dying."
"I really hate to break it to you, but you're already dead."
"I mean, after I die this time. There is no heaven for people like me."
"You don't know that, Raphael. No one has come back from the dead. Well...you know what I mean."
"But the bible says tha-''
"No disrespect, but the bible also says not to eat sea food, and that women can't speak in church. But I won't argue with you about your beliefs because I respect you."
"I appreciate that."
"What was it like being a mundane?" I ask.
"It was much better than this. Blood running through my veins, a beating heart, things people really take for granted. One thing that upsets me the most is that I have outlived all of my family."
"Oh my god. I haven't even thought about this. I can never have a family. My parents are already dead, i have no siblings. I'll be alone forever." My eyes start to fill up with tears.
"Don't say that you will be alone, you will always have me." He takes my hand in his.