He feared her for the same reasons he admired her.
She could clasp her own necklace on the back of her neck without looking, without help.
She set up her own computer and t.v.
She needed no one.
She woke herself up, without an alarm, without her roommates, without her family.
She had trained her body to wake up at the right time each day so that she would not be late for work, nor school, because she did both. Because when she had relied on people in the past, they had let her down.
She had earned two scholarships. Because she was impressive. She taught kids how to tie shoes and how to read. In her spare time, she taught dance lessons to the elderly and her native langauge to foreign exchange students. She was turning 21 in a handful of weeks and had been paying her own bills for a year. She had bought her own truck after working for eight months. She knew how to cook, not just for herself, she would have weekly gatherings where she cooked for 10 and it was always delicious. She was always impressing him. He feared her for the same reasons he admired her. She didn't need anyone. He wanted to be with her but he didn't think she needed him. Men were supposed to support women, right? How could he support her when she supported herself? Occasionally she would ask him to put things on the high shelves when he would come over but he knew when he wasn't there she would just grab a chair. He feared her for the same reason he admired her. She needed no help. He feared that if he proclaimed his love, she would laugh it off, why have something without a use? Why buy something you don't need? Oh how she wished he would wake up and realize he was the one she had wanted for some time now. It was absolutely true that she didn't need him. She would never allow herself to need someone again, everytime that happened, she was abandoned and lost. Lost in life. So she picked up her pieces and figured out how to do things for herself. She would never need someone again. But she wanted him. He had once said he preferred cats to dogs because cats were independent and dogs needed you. She wanted to whisper in his ears,
"Oh my darling, can't you see, how much more beautiful it is to be wanted than to be needed?"
Once, he had asked her, "Why did you want to meet me on the beach at sunset?"
"Because it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen" she replied, she then mumbled, "and I wanted to share it with you."
Perhaps she shouldn't have mumbled.
Once, he said, "I wish Darla would just have a talk with Quinn so that Quinn wouldn't cause any more disruptions and the Americans could still come to that event."
She knew she was the only other American to attend that weekly event.
"Why?" She asked.
"It's just something I wish."
She wanted to hear that he would miss her. Just like he had wanted to hear that she wanted to see him. Alone. In the sunbeams.
Perhaps they were both afraid. Perhaps neither of them should be. Perhaps one of them should say sonething. Perhaps they are still both afraid. For some reason, even though anytime they saw each other, their faces lit up with smiles as bright as 月明かり and their souls glowed with pink auras.
He once said, "I admire your bravery."
Perhaps one of them should say something.
Perhaps.
