Our Plan {narry}

Chapter 19: Pretending

     "We need to talk," I said, yet at the same time I knew that I didn't want to fight with him, didn't want to start something I wouldn't want to finish. Relationships were about trust, even just starting out. And it didn't matter how head over heels I was for him either, if he didn't respect my reasoning, then this wouldn't work. Just the thought of that possibility scared me deeply. Harry's back straightened up on the headboard as he pressed something on the remote, muting the TV. I could tell automatically he was trying to decide whether I meant talk about what we were going to tell my parents, or talk about something neither of us would want to talk about. He cocked his head, letting a slight glance of worry shine through his eyes.

"What's wrong?" He sat up even straighter, as if showing me how serious he was being and how all the attention was on me. I forced my legs to shuffle over to where he was sitting, plopping myself down a good foot away from him. As I'd said, I didn't want to fight with Harry. I wanted this to work more than anything, yet all the signs seemed to be telling me this wasn't ever going to work. Even this early, the very, very beginning of our relationship,  we were seeming to deal with things that seemed way advanced for this relationship. The real question was though, was he worth it?

"You haven't come out to anyone besides me yet, yeah?" I asked. I tried to play it off as a casual question, glancing down at the blanket we sat on as I plucked loose strings from it. I didn't look up to gauge Harry's original reaction, I couldn't bring myself to honestly. I simply kept my head down, waiting for his answer, though I knew the truth.

Please Harry, don't dig yourself into a deeper hole.

 Harry kept quiet though, as if he stayed still long enough maybe I would forget what I'd asked. I forced my eyes up to meet his, and I hoped he could tell that I was trying to tell him that it was okay. Everyone made little mistakes, everyone lied. Yet lying about a lie to cover it, was not a very good sign.

"No, I-uh-no. No one but you," He replied shakily, forcing a tight, closed lip smile. When I say I literally felt my heart drop, I mean it. He lied to my face, just to cover up a lie he'd told behind my back earlier. And the worse part wasn't that he lied, or that I knew this was eventually going to turn into a fight, no, the worst part was that he felt that he couldn't trust me. Me, of all people. I was his boyfriend, I was supposed to be the one he came with when he was troubled, or upset. And even before we'd begun dating, I was one of his best friends in the world, yet he still felt he couldn't tell me. I honestly just didn't understand why he didn't tell me Louis knew in the first place. It wasn't like it was some big deal. After all, Louis was his best mate, I would've completely understood that he's told him. When I met Harry's eyes, they were distant and distracted, as if he were in deep thought about something. I could tell that he was studying my face for something, probably to see my facial expression, which probably wasn't good. Yet I was smart enough to know that if he thought that I knew about him lying, he would try to back his way out of it with excuses. And I wanted to know why he felt he had to lie to me. I took a deep breath as I braced myself for what I was about to say.

"Alright, I guess I just wondered who you'd want to eventually talk about coming out to first. I didn't know if any of your family might've already guessed it or not is all," I smiled tightly, and I swear those were some of the hardest words I'd ever had to force out. This time I watched as Harry's face visually relaxed, causing my heart to clench tightly. I just wanted to know why, and now I couldn't even ask yet. Hr smiled back a relieved smile, before patting the spot next to him.

"Oh, okay brilliant then. Lets just talk about that later yeah? M'tired," He breathed out, sending out a nervous flutter of a laugh at the end. Maybe it wasn't a nervous laugh, rather a relieved one.But at this point, it couldve been me just losing my mind by imagining things. I nodded my head, pulling my shirt of over my head swiftly, kicking my basketball shorts off in the process. As I went to throw them back into the suitcase, I noticed my jacket from earlier laying on Harry's suitcase. My heart clenched again, but I kept a straight face and passed it. I balled up the clothes and threw them into the suitcase, not caring if the wrinkled or smelled of sweat. I walked back over to the other side of our bed, sliding under the covers next to Harry. I felt Harry scoot over closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and tucking his head into my neck, so we were sharing a pillow. I wanted to tell him to scoot over, that I didn't want him touching me, but I couldn't think of a good excuse to tell him if I said that. I forced my eyes shut, trying my hardest to keep peace at mind by thinking about these last few days with Harry, and how sincere and honest he seemed during them. I thought about coming out to Liam and Louis, and about revealing my relationship to Liam after he overheard our fight. I thought about all these things, each one cluttering my mind, littering my thoughts.