Fingers running through my hair
Kisses down my neck
I'll hold on tight and sigh
And stare into her eyes. "Heck,
I missed you so much.
I thought that we
Began to lose touch!"
"You thought I'd gone?
Oh, love, I could never!
I'll hold onto you
And be here forever.
In the darkest and
Brightest of times
I'll come and stand
By your side."
.
"Is this unhealthy?"
I begin to wonder
Why I love the
Claps of thunder
Why I love the chaos,
The rain on my face.
"What do you mean?"
Go in for the embrace
But shadow arms
Wrap around me-
No human is here
To be seen.
They aren't hickeys
But bruises,
From when it abuses
Because it loses
Control. It wants me.
It desires me.
It craves me.
It has a thirst to feel my body
It has a thirst more for my blood
When it strokes my thighs
It's nails slice
And it leaves it scarred
Razor lips kiss my scarred wrists
And I flinch.
"I mean," I pause.
"I mean that you force
Me into this hole
And suck out my soul
From my mouth
And you don't let me out.
My, our, room has become my prison cell
A prison cell that I don't realize is hell
You say you look after me
But I just want you to leave."
I hold my breath, close my eyes,
Look down at the blood pouring from my thighs.
It steps forward and takes my cracking hands,
Pushes my chin up and aside the strands
Hiding my face. Razor lips form a crooked smile. "I'm protecting you. And, while
You can't see that, I'm keeping you safe
From a world full of false and fake
Happiness. Look here," it said, catching my eye
Whilst raising it's sharp fingernails to my sight.
"One last kiss, one last touch, and this could all be done.
All you need to do is let me know what you want."
I swallow thickly and glance around our room,
My room, I see photos of friends, family, soon
To be with me again. "I'm starting to realize
That you are not the stars in my eyes,
But the tears, the grey,
The bags underneath. You say
That you make things better
But look at all of those drafts of letters
'I'm sorry, I'm sorry', over and over
And you're here to tell me that over is closer
To survival than I could ever reach?
The words that I preach
To my friends about life are true
There is a reason to get through
There is fulfillment and purpose
And love and a person, a real person,
Who will make this life worth living.
Say what you want, Depression, I'm not listening!"
But it takes my hand and squeezes it tightly
And reminds me of why I'm blood drenched and untidy
There is no person here. Just myself and depression
And tears streaming down a blank expression.
"You know the right answer. We could leave
And spend forever together in a dream
Where you are yourself
With no pressure from this world
And I can take you there."
It pushed away my hair
And took a long look at my face.
It's right. Go in for the embrace,
The shadow arms wrapping around me
Tighter than before but I feel more free.
Razor lips brush my neck
And I smile. "Heck,
I missed you so much.
I thought that we
Began to lose touch."
"You thought I'd gone?
Oh, love, I could never!
And now I'll be
By your side. Forever."
Razor lips kiss my neck,
Pressing deeper and I forget
What happened tonight.
I forget my entire life.
She kisses deeper
Blood spurts and pours
She lets go of me
And my corpse drops to the floor.
"I can't leave, love.
Absolutely never.
I'm by your side, and
Will be forever."
01/12/2017
C.J.
