another love || z.m.

Payton

Quick Author's Note:

This book is close to being done and I am on summer break so I am just going to do one chapter per update, but still alternate the point of views. Xxx

Three months.

Three months of nothing but inseparableness. We were locked at the hip, only to be found beside the other. We spent every waking hour together. We wouldn't even sleep alone anymore. I would go to his or he would come to mine. We were in our relationship and I was fretting it was unhealthy.

Every time we had to depart so that we could go to class, it physically hurt me. It was like I had strings attached to my chest and the opposite end of then was attached to Zayn. I was a physical pull on my body, I would hurt when I wasn't around him. I also became emotionally drained without him. He was always making me so happy and cheerful and without him, I was dull. I was too dependent upon him.

He would always do such sweet things like take me on walks late at night, or set up a picnic under the stars. He would take me to fancy restaurants, get me lilies, cook for me. He would put me on his back when we walked down the street. He would whisper sweet nothings in my ear to help me to go sleep. He would kiss me so gently and lovingly.

Leading me to come to my conclusion that I loved him.

All of these things combined would not make any sense at all unless I was in love with him. You should be able to sleep in your own bed by yourself. You shouldn't miss someone like they are dead even though they just went to the bathroom. You shouldn't want to cry at sweet gestures they make.

But you do when you are in love.

Now don't get me wrong. You definitely cannot give love a definition, but you sure can feel it. And I am pretty sure this is what it feels like.

Yet, I'm being faced with the question of how he feels. I want to know where Zayn stands in this relationship, what he feels when he's around me, or not around me. And there is no other way to know than to tell him.

But I haven't told him yet because I don't know what to do if he rejects me. If he says he doesn't feel the same. Or even if he's not feeling anything at all.

It was November and it was already starting to snow. Not a heavy snow, or even close to snow that could possibly stick, just little flurries that would stick to your nose long enough for them to disappear as soon as they came.

So, on that snowy Friday evening, ten o'clock at night, Zayn and I sat inside by the fire of my fireplace and drank hot chocolate. He had a blanket draped around his back. I sat in between his legs with my back to his chest and my hands on his thighs. His legs were extended beside mine, winning length by a long shot.

"Why don't we go out?" I asked, taking a sip.

"It's too cold," he whispered.

"It's snow! It's going to be cold! That's the fun!"

"I don't have a coat," he sighed.

"We won't be out there long, just wear that," I said, referring to his leather jacket.

"Pay," he sighed. I turned around to face him. He was looking at me like he was about to give in, so I fake pouted my lip. "Fine, but only for a minute."

"Yay!" I shrieked and pulled him up after jumping up.

We pulled our shoes on and our jackets we had worn at school earlier. I swung the front door open and saw the tiniest of snowflakes falling, but there were no traces of white on the ground. I squealed happily and ran down the steps, dragging Zayn by the wrist behind me.

I walked out to the middle of the yard and planted my feet across from Zayn's. I extended my arms to my side and started to spin around. I felt all the cold, little flakes hit my face, and I began to stick my tongue out. They would land one after another, but soon disappear before I could pull them into my mouth.

I looked to Zayn who was still standing in the middle of the yard, hands in his pockets, shivering from the cold. He had a huge closed-mouth grin on his face, snow falling all around him.

"C'mon, Zayn," I sighed.

"I'm freezing, Payton!" He yelled. I laughed and walked over to where he stood.

"Stick your tongue out," I ordered.

"What?"

"Stick your tongue out!" I laughed, nodding once for encouragement.

"Payton," he smiled.

"Do it!" I grabbed his hands out of his pockets and took them in mine.

He poked the very tip of his tongue out and I laughed at him.

"You're never going to catch snow like that!"

He did as I said and snow started to fall on his tongue. I watched him get sucked into the atmosphere of the snow, and pretty soon we were dancing around in the snow. I watched him as his hair caught little flakes of snow, spotting the black with white.

Do you ever just look at someone, and they are just being themselves, and you just think, "I really love you." And then comes the sudden urge to tell them. And so you kind of blurt it out without warning and they stop what they are doing and look at you like you've grown another head.

"What?"

"I-uh..." I stumbled over my words.

"What did you just say?" He asked, going to take a step toward me, but stepping back away from me instead.

"I said, 'I love you,'" I answered with confidence.

"What- why- you... No, you don't." He shook his head rapidly.

"Yes, I do." I started walking toward him.

He backed away more. "You don't."

"That's not exactly the response I was hoping for," I smiled.

"Well I don't know what kind of response you want from me!" He yelled.

"I was kind of hoping for an I love you back!" I screamed, tears forming in my eyes.

"Well you aren't going to get one. Not now, not ever." He crossed his arms over his chest.

My anger subsided and I just felt sadness.

"Why not?"

"Cassie! Fucking Cassie ruined my fucking life! I can never love again! All my love and time and effort was spent on her! All my tears have been used up on another love," he whispered.

"So, you can't love me," I sobbed.

"It's impossible."

I choked on my tears and my breathing became unsteady. I really thought Zayn was going to be better. That we would get somewhere, anywhere. But, if he can't even love me, then I can't continue trying to fool myself.

"Well then I'm going to need you to leave," I whispered. The snow got heavier around us and we were on opposite sides of the yard.

"What? Why?"

"Because if you cannot give me a future or something, I don't see a point in continuing this relationship," I croaked, wiping my eyes.

"Payton," he stepped toward me.

"No, don't come any closer to me. Leave, now," I ordered, marching into my house. I slammed the door behind me and locked the deadbolt. I slid down the wood and put my face in my hands.

So- comment what you think! I love you! don't eat me.

OH AND DEDICATION

@polarniall she's fantastic and you should read her Niall book. It's beautiful.