another love || z.m.

Zayn

"... And tell me some things last," I sang. I looked over at Payton and she was watching me intently.

"Wow," she said. I couldn't tell if she was referring to the heavy meaning of the song or my voice. "That was beautiful," she complimented. She stood up, and walked toward me. She hugged me tightly while I remained on my back. I slowly wrapped my arms around her petite body.

She backed away and looked at me. Her hands stayed on my shoulders as she gave me a sympathetic look.

"Should we talk about it. Because I know you didn't just pull that song out of a magic hat."

"Umm," I sat up and scratched the back of my head. She sat beside me.

"I'm here for you," she whispered, placing her hand on my thigh. I leaned my head against her shoulder, causing her head to fall to the top of mine.

I felt as if what she said, was all that needed to be said.

~~

Twenty minutes off singing clips of songs that had absolutely no meaning whatsoever, and she jumped up out of my lap.

"Shit!" She yelled and paced in front of me. I grabbed her hips and held her still in front of me. I looked up at her, waiting for an explanation. "I was supposed to go home today," she sighed.

"Ah," I replied, standing up. I walked over to the front door and set my hand on the handle. I turned around, looking at her expectantly. She followed me out the door.

I walked her all the way home, encasing her hand in mine.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow," I said as we stood on her porch. I hugged her goodbye, and watched her walk inside.

I walked back home in deep thought. Thoughts about Payton. Thoughts about our kiss. Thoughts about the song that I sang today.

The song that I sang was a song that not a lot of people have heard. Probably because a lot of people don't even know the artist. Tom Odell: British singer/songwriter. I love all of his music, but I surely won't ever tell anyone. I have a bad boy reputation to maintain, and his music is soft-spoken and slow.

The song, Heal, was not about Payton. I didn't profess my nonexistent love for her with a song. That is too cliché for me. I sang the song to her about me. I was telling her that I need her to heal me. That I wanted her to fix me. That I wanted her to be the one to pick up my broken pieces and put them back together.

And she was doing a fantastic job.

She had already helped me so much through the span of four days. It hadn't even been a full week yet, but she had found a way to put me together more than I could've done through the span of four years. She was definitely the one to get me through this.

Now, don't get me wrong, Payton is not a rebound. I'm not using her. I'm simply letting her fix me so that we can have something special without worrying about me falling apart.

I had these walls put up the day Cassie walked out that door. The walls that blocked everyone out. Yet, Payton had hit those walls head on and crashed them down as soon as she opened her mouth. I let her into my life as soon as we made eye contact.

And for some reason, I was completely okay with that.

But, there was still that voice in the back of my head telling me not to move on from Cass. The one that said that there is still something there. That she still loves me. I didn't want to hear that voice because it reminded me of how fast I would drop everything and run back to Cassie if she would let me. I would ditch Payton in a heartbeat, and that killed me, but it was true. It was true because I was still completely and utterly whipped by the fake girl with the beach blonde hair.

And I am not okay with that.

Because this means I am torn between two girls. One girl whom is nothing but sweet and caring to everyone she meets. The girl who has no care in the world and just goes with everything. The girl who will put down everything and come to your house just if you have a paper cut so that she can get you a Band-Aid. The girl whose kisses are sweet and gentle. The girl who gives hugs that will make you forget everything. The girl who puts you in a trance when you look into her eyes.

Then, there is a girl who is bitter and harsh towards all living things. The girl who would step on a dog if it came into her line of vision. The girl who likes to wear all black so that no one will make contact with her. The girl who stays in all day so that she doesn't have to look at people. But this girl is also the most loving once you let her in. Yes, you have to try very hard to get her, but you are in love instantly once you do. She will make you trip over your own feet with just a small word.

And it's kind of sad that I can't let go of the bitter girl when the carefree girl is waiting for me with open arms whenever I need her.

After a while of walking, I find myself at the once place I never wanted to be. My father's grave.

Dad always knew what to do. And he was so in love with Mum. He didn't deserve to die. He never did anything wrong. His heart was pure and he was the most loving character I'd ever met. He was so outgoing and loose and funny.

I miss him.

I kneeled down in front of his tombstone and rested my hands on the top of it. I bowed my head and looked at the ground where Dad's decomposed body lie.

"Hey," I choked. "I miss you," I said.

Silence.

What was I expecting?

"I really need to know what to do. Payton, she's such a great girl. So amazing. Beautiful and caring. Just perfect in my eyes. But Cassie, Cass is my love. I can't seem to let her go, and I don't know if I want to or not."

Silence.

I huffed and stood up. I was about to turn around, when a silhouette caught my eye. I heard the person talking to the dead body below them.

"Liz, he's wonderful, but he's so broken," I stepped closer to the body that was across the graveyard. "He's so funny and I'm always happy when I'm around him. He gives me these butterflies in my stomach that I didn't even get with Brent. But, like I said, he's broken. I'm doing my best to fix him, to pick up his shattered heart, but there are so many pieces," she sighed. It was definitely a girl, I could see the curves of her body and her long straight hair. I took one step closer and I finally saw her face.

"He sang for me today and I understood him. He sang about wanting to be healed. I felt like he was singing to me. Like he was reaching out for me to fix him. And Liz, he has the best voice," Payton sighed.

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(And don't forget I'm co-writing with @mazie_grayce on @miall_jarry )