another love || z.m.

Zayn

Loved You First is on and I'm going to cry.

"I love you," she blurted.

I stopped spinning and froze with my arms extended to my side, tongue out.

"What?" I snapped.

"I-uh..." She stuttered.

"What did you just say?" I asked, going to take a step toward her, but stepping back away from her instead. She was scaring me.

"I said, 'I love you,'" she answered with confidence.

"What- why- you... No, you don't." I shook my head rapidly. She was wrong. This couldn't be happening.

"Yes, I do." She started walking toward me.

I backed away more. "You don't," I said, trying to convince her.

"That's not exactly the response I was hoping for," she smiled. Why was she smiling?

"Well I don't know what kind of response you want from me!" I yelled. I cannot process what is happening. She doesn't love me. It was sick that she could lie to my face like this.

"I was kind of hoping for an I love you back!" She screamed, tears forming in her eyes.

"Well you aren't going to get one. Not now, not ever." I crossed my arms over my chest. I protested the lies she was shooting at me. One after another, saying she loved me, when she didn't.

"Why not?"

"Cassie! Fucking Cassie ruined my fucking life! I can never love again! All my love and time and effort was spent on her! All my tears have been used up on another love," I screamed the first part, but whispered the last sentence.

"So, you can't love me," she sobbed.

"It's impossible," I lied. I lied straight through my teeth, right to her face. I lied about the most important thing to her. I lied, because I was already irrevocably and hopelessly in love with her.

"Well then I'm going to need you to leave," she whispered, after breaking down. The snow got heavier around us and we were on opposite sides of the yard.

"What? Why?" I asked even though I knew the answer.

"Because if you cannot give me a future or something, I don't see a point in continuing this relationship," she croaked, wiping her eyes.

"Payton," I stepped stepped toward her.

"No, don't come any closer to me. Leave, now," she yelled over her shoulder as she ran inside the house, slamming the door behind her.

I waited for about forty minutes to see if she was going to come out, but she never did. I watched all the blinds and curtains close. I watched every light flicker off.

I walked home slowly, sulking about this. I had made a terrible decision to lie to her like that. I should've just told her I loved her back. But no, Cassie still had that invisible hold over my heart that claimed me as hers. No matter how hard I tried to get rid of her, she always invaded my heart and constantly held it captive.

"Hey, Zayn! Why aren't you with Payton?" My mom greeted from the kitchen as I walked through the front door.

I didn't respond. I couldn't. I was frozen. My mind wasn't working. I didn't even know I was in my bed until my face hit the pillow.

"You nasty little motherfucker."

I groaned and turned my head, keeping my body in place on the bed. I squinted, only opening one eye.