The Boy Who Used To Be My Best Friend

This moment.

  My Life is like rollercoaster it takes me up and down and spins me in circles. Sometimes it can be fun and make me happy, the excitement and adrenaline coursing through my veins and make my heart beat with a rythym that makes me want to dance. Then other times it flips me in quick circles that make me so dizzy until I have to throw up. It holds me right side up until I'm  begging to get off.  Screaming in agonizing terror. Then It makes me so afraid until I  close my eyes and I wish that I was elsewhere.

But what happens once I get off will I be happy with where I end up?

I often ask God the reason for my birth, sounds harsh I know but, honestly we were  all born with a purpose. I still don't know mine. I mean after Moon left I had no idea who I was, and I'm just now realizing how scary that is.

I'm just now realizing that I lost myself in Moon I used to believe that he was my happiness, but I don't even know him anymore.

So what was the point of our friendship if it ended so distastefully. Why did God place him in my life. Do I still fight for him or let him go?

A thousand emotions clouded my brain as well as questions. They jumble up in my mind like pieces of balled paper I have yet to throw away or either unball.

And lucky? How do I make him forgive me. I wish I could've listened to my first mind and tell him the truth. But,even if I told him the truth earlier he would have got hurt either way.

I shouldn't have gotten in a relationship with him just to mend this broken heart of mine it was selfish of me. I wish I could make him it up to him.

I let my thoughts resonate as I lay in bed, I left Lucky's apartment about 3 hours ago and I've finally stopped crying.

I decide to run myself a bath with lavender and vanilla scented bubble bath and I just soak my body, and let the tension of the day roll off of me in smoke, while listening to sad songs about heartbreak.

After I'm all clean I let all the water run out, and I turn on the shower and let the cold water run down my body washing off the excess dirt and soap.

I step out and dry myself and then put on my comfy hello kitty bathrobe and braid my wet hair in two braids.

I walk out of bathroom that's connected to my room, and find Moon casually sitting on my bed with his shoes on.

For a moment there's only silence. Me frozen with my jaw hung staring at Moon. And moon looking at me with a  bored/nonchalant expression on his face. We were about five feet away seeing that  my bathroom was right in front of my bed. So, I was close enough too see his eyes.  It was weird to see his eyes all blue and not the light blue I was fond of, they were a navy dark blue. A blue you could get lost in. Even after all these years my heart would still skip a beat at his haunting beauty. 

Then reality sets in.

"Moon what the hell are you doing here!" I grunt.

Consciously I tighten my robe even though it covers my breasts and stops at the top of my ankles.

He chuckles "you still have that robe?" I tighten my robe a little more. "Don't change the subject why are you here?" I keep my voice steady even though my heart is beating like a jackhammer on sugar rush.

He sighs and looks down  like he's contemplating on the right words to say, finally he stands up and walk towards me, causing me to step back quickly. Not watching where I was going I tripped and landed right on my butt. Luckily my robe was so tight it stayed in place.

Moon slowly walked over until he was standing right in front of me. His eyes raked over with a desirable look in his eyes. Making my insides warm and cold at the same time.