Hood Love. The Roc and Vanessa Diaries

Chapter Five: Week 4 & 5

Lots of inspiration comes from TheFirstPartLast. Ideas are mostly the same, I loved the book so I changed it around to fit here.
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4 Weeks and 3 days

Today was Nessa's doctor's appointment. She's behind by two weeks so she had to get her two week shots.

I can't stand it when she cries because of pain. She got three shots in her thigh and screamed for all of them. It tore me up, but as soon as they were done and I put her to my face and kissed her fat cheeks she stopped crying.

This is when I feel happy inside. When I feel like a good dad. When she stops crying and cuddles into me and whimpers. It makes me feel like I'm actually protecting her and making her feel better.

After her shots, I put her little pants back on and eyed the doctor who wrote on her chart.

"Is everything good?"

"Seems to be, she's still a little small for her age. Does she eat alright?"

I nodded, "All the time and everything when she does. She has bad gas though."

It's true. This cute little thing has the farts of a 48 year old overweight trucker. If I'm not careful and I don't burp her it all comes out at the other end, usually when she sleeps, most toxic little things I've ever smelled, and all she does is grin.

The doctor ended up giving us a prescription for a special baby formula that has actual breast milk supplements. It's a prescription cause he had to send it to Atlanta too. Even though she's comatose, Bre still makes breast milk involuntarily and they turn it into a powder someway and it's put into the milk that we'll get.

But we won't get it for about 2 weeks so for now I'll stick to my tiny ass baby.

******

4 weeks and 6 days old

Nessa stayed up all night last night and I'm so far running on 5 hours awake with no naps. I can barely think straight cause I'm so tired but if I close my eyes she'll scream. She's staring at me so intently as I'm writing, fighting to keep the drool in my own damn mouth.

I feel different now, that I can look at her without seeing Bre. I thought it scared me to see Bre, but it's starting to scare me that I don't. I don't know whether it's just Nessa's looking like me now, or I'm forgetting her mother. 2 possibilities I don't want to happen.

Nessa just yawned. She's been up for way longer than her baby book says she needs to be, but I don't know what to do about it. Her eyes look so heavy so I don't know why she's still awake, but she's fighting it so hard it's comical.

My stubborn little girl.

******

5 Weeks Old

I finally ventured outside with Nessa. I knew if we never went outside she would never gain any color and so far she was still a pale yellow.

It was hot outside on this 4th of July and I decided that I could allow myself to hang out with my friends. They hadn't seen me or Nessa since we got back, besides Lolo. She came by the second week, the worst week.

Besides that, Keisha told me it was either go out with Nessa or she was taking Nessa out herself.

So that's why I woke up, fully, at 11:30 in the morning and went up to the kitchen to make this cake Keisha always makes for parties. You can always get friendly when you bring cake.

By the time it was in the oven Nessa screamed herself awake and I raced to get her before she woke up Keisha.

She quieted before I could reach we though and Keisha met me at the stairs smirking, "She's got a mouth like you did, loud for no reason."

I smiled sheepishly and reached out for her, but Keisha just shook her head, "You good baby bro, get back to getting ready, I'll get her dressed."

I sighed and went to check that I cleaned up the kitchen before I went down to my room and dropped back on my bed, taking in the warmth of my blankets before giving a yawn.

I had two hours before the cake was done and it wouldn't take me long to get dressed.

I closed my eyes and woke up 45 minutes later to Keisha's voice, "Ima go to the store right quick, you need anything?"

My eyes flew open and I instinctively reached into Nessa's bassinet beside my bed and I frantically stood.

"It's okay, I got her." Keisha opened the door further to reveal a thin blanket over Nessa's carseat.

"Oh uh," I mumbled, "We're good I think," I rubbed my eyes and walked over to Nessa's side of my room, checking.

By the time I turned around she had already left.

******

At 2 I walked up the stairs completely refreshed and awake. I took the cake out of the oven and let it cool on the counter before going up to Keisha's room.

Her room is full of posters from different dance classes she's been to and taught. Her room is really colorful though, and Nessa is always lively when she's in there. She was on a blanket in the middle of the floor with Keish's dogs circling around her and Blue laying right next to her.

She had her eyes open but I could tell she would knock out soon. Keisha was sitting beside the blanket, on her laptop.

She turned around when I walked in, "I'm not going out until late, you want me to keep her until I go?"

I shook my head and crawled over to Nessa and the dogs as they spread away and moved towards the top of the blanket. She twisted her head to follow them but as soon as I sat beside her she cooed.

"Hi baby girl," I touched her foot and she kicked it softly.

"So you read my mind or something?" I laughed out as I picked up Nessa.

Keisha looked over and laughed, "Oh damn I didn't even notice."

Nessa and I were both in white and khaki. She had on a white onesie with a khaki skirt and the tiniest pair of White/Hyper Blue Retro 8's I'd ever seen. I don't know how Keisha even got baby shoes that tiny, but knowing her and her connections, she probably had a lot more easily accessible.

I had on the exact same as Nessa, in a plain white tee, and khaki shorts, I just didn't have on my same J's, but I changed so we could match exactly.

I touched my hand through her soft hair. It was straight, thick and jet black and a tiny white headband wrapped around her face, so that the hair wouldn't be all over the place.

She cooed and yawned as I looked at my phone to see a text from Ray.


Ray: You still comin or nah

I texted back a quick 'yeah' and put Nessa on my shoulder before standing. "Thanks," I said to Keisha, grabbing the blanket.

"No problem," she fixed Nessa's shoes with two fingers, "She's pretty good."

I smiled down at my baby who stared at me, transfixed, and yawned, looking just like her mom and making my heart hurt.

******

When I got to Ray's I closed my eyes and smiled as I inhaled the smell of burgers and ribs on the grill.

"Unka Woc!" I heard a squeal and saw Cruz running at me full speed.

"Hey kid," I threw him up in the air and he grinned.

"Whea's Nessie?" He wiggled out of my grasp.

"She's right here," I opened the back door, "here hold this," I handed him one of the bags I brought.

"Is heavy," he exclaimed, "But I strong."

I grinned, Cruz was the best kid I'd ever interacted with, except Nessa of course. I hoped Nessa would grow up to be. The twins were cool kids too, but those little girls were louder than anything. Between the two of them, they could drown out Nessa's screams and that would be just when they were happy. Make them mad and it was the worst screams ever.

Gia was cool too. She was a quiet toddler though, she was also very delicate. She liked pink and dresses and she was definitely a Daddy's Girl, just how Nessa was gonna be. The only difference was that Nessa would definitely be more hood than Gee.

I picked up Nessa's seat, she was asleep with her pacifier in her mouth and she breathed softly.

"Aw," Cruz peered into the seat and kissed Nessa's cheek, "She sweeping," he patted her hair with one hand and ran as fast as he could to his front door, yelling for his mama.

As soon as I walked up Lolo took the carrier from my hands and squealed at Nessa's sleeping form.

"Damn son," Prod was walking out into the back, "Ain't seen yo ass in a good ass minute," he put down the plate of hotdogs and dapped me, "You look tired as hell."

I just shook my head and laughed, "I am nigga," I looked over to Lolo who had a sleeping Nessa in her arms as Cruz and Gia peered over her, "I'm tired as hell."

It was the first time in 5 weeks id really been out and I loved it. It was Nessa's first Fourth of July and I was glad I got to savor every minute of it with my daughter and almost everyone I loved. All that was missing was my baby.

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Gosh this chapter was so fucking hard to finish, like it really was hard for me. I wanna spill out all the stuff that happens like now, but I can't. *sigh* There's only a few weeks left. The story ends when Nessa is 12 weeks old.

Also, go easy on Roc y'all 😂 some of y'all go in on him, but I like that y'all are opinionated. Just remember that Roc is a 19 year old first time dad who lost both of the girls he loved, and he's now got a baby that looks just like the one he truly needed, but don't let me away you, I like that some of y'all are against him ☺.