I Met Him in the Library-A Namjin story

Tuesday

The feeling described in so many works as "butterflies" is a strange concept. Butterflies flit from flower to flower. They have no path. They are beautiful, but they do not have their heart set on anything. They fly without purpose.

What one feels when they feel "butterflies" is different. It's set. There is no end goal, but there is a focus. They-

Namjoon threw his pencil across the desk in frustration. He had written his draft four times already. The thoughts whirled through his head (quite like the butterflies he was so intent on describing) but he couldn't stop to gather them into something fathomable. And writing was all about making something big out of something small. In some cases, it was out of nothing.

There was no nothing about this. He felt the feelings, but he couldn't dissect them into the piece of writing he wanted to. 

It's because you're thinking with your brain and not your heart, whispered a voice in the back of his mind.

But, Namjoon reasoned angrily, that's what the brain is for to begin with. If I can't think with it, then what the hell do I do with it?

He could almost hear the voice in his mind sighing in frustration. You don't get it. You're writing about feelings, not an essay. Write your feelings.

"Writing is agony," Namjoon groaned to no one in particular. The library was especially dead that day, and though he had planned to meet up with Jin, he didn't know when he'd arrive. 

"I never thought I'd hear the genius Kim Namjoon say something like that," A familiar, playful voice teased from behind.

Namjoon jumped. "How long have you been there?!"

"Long enough to read over your shoulder." He picked up the notebook, frowning. "This looks like the entry to a research journal."

"So I've been told," Namjoon grumbled.

"By who?"

"My head."

"Uh, right." Jin tossed the notebook aside. "Take a break. From now on, though, be more personal."

"Is that a suggestion or a demand?"

"It depends. Do you want to make a good story?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Then it's a demand."

Jin pulled Namjoon's chair back. "Being indoors isn't good for you," he proclaimed. "We're going out."

"Where?"

"Out," And he grabbed Namjoon's hand, pulling him to his feet. "Fresh air is exactly what you need."

They hadn't realized until they arrived outside that they were holding hands. Jin made a move to pull away. Namjoon would have too, if it wasn't for a sudden stroke of confidence, and he squeezed his friend's hand tighter. 

"Namjoon?"

He shrugged, trying to play off his nerves. "We don't have to hold hands if you don't want to."

God, if he says he doesn't want to, then I'm going to lie on the ground and die right here and now.

Jin gave his hand a friendly squeeze back and smiled. "I want to."

Friends hold hands, Namjoon reasoned, All the time. And they feel just as strange when they do because that's completely normal. Friendship. Platonic relationship. With Jin. Holding hands. That's a thing that couples do. But not Jin and I because we're not. A couple, that is.

"Namjoon? You look like you're about to have a seizure. I can let go."

"No!" Namjoon yelled. "No, I like holding hands a lot. I'm just weird, okay?"

"Yup," He agreed, laughing. "And awkward and clumsy."

"You're awkward too," Namjoon tried to stop himself from laughing along, but it was contagious as always. "You have an obsession with Mario and cooking, and you cry over YA novels."

"Excuse you, those are my best traits." He placed his other hand over his heart for dramatic effect.

"If you're so great at cooking, why haven't you made me anything yet?"

"Pushy, pushy. They'll be plenty of opportunities for me to cook for you."

Namjoon stopped laughing. "When will that be?"

Jin's eyes widened, finally catching on to what he had said. He had always fantasized about cooking for him if (Not when, if) they ever dated. He just had to go ahead and run his mouth, didn't he?

"The fresh air is nice," He commented, desperately trying to change the subject.

"It is," Namjoon agreed. "What was that about cooking for me?"

"I only mentioned it because it's about time your palate experienced something other than peanut butter and jelly."

It was Namjoon's turn to be offended. "I make the best PB&J and you know it!"

They spent the afternoon talking and laughing on the bench outside the library door, forgetting that they had wanted to go somewhere to begin with. At that moment, each other was all they needed.