Aftermath • Drarry

004

Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land - Michelle Williams; Tightrope

***

There was only one spot left to sit; on the couch, in the corner. I did not mind, since I was sitting out of sight and as far away from Potter as I could. Sadly, dr. Dolan was sitting a little too close to me. It was as if I could almost feel her breath, like I could almost feel her warmth.

'Good morning guys, did you sleep well?' she asked us politely. 'I did,' Lydia responded. 'I dreamt about unicorns and fairy's!' she called out, 'I dreamt that they were real.'

My eyes found a pair of green ones from across the room. Harry laughed softly and so did I, knowing that her dream was not just a dream. For us it was a little peace of the reality we tried to escape. 

'That is a wonderful dream Lydia,' the therapist said satisfied. 'And you Mr. Malfoy, how did you sleep?'

My heart started racing, knowing that now I had to speek in front of a group. A small group, but speaking in front of any group made me nervous. I fell my face heating up as my hand palms became sweaty.

'Okay,' I mumbled, still not feeling comfortable at all. She simply nodded before writing something down in her little book. 'I guess we will just get started then. Today I would like to talk with you guys about regrets. Does anyone want to start?'

Of course, no one volunteered.  I still felt this awkward feeling inside of me. It almost drove me crazy. I did not want to talk in front of a group, no matter what the size it was. I really did not want to. To avoid getting chosen I looked the other way, straight into a pair of dead-looking green  eyes that belonged to the boy who had lived. He raised an eyebrow at me, an action that also made me feel slightly uncomfortable. 

'Draco, would you like to start?' I heard Dr.Dolan ask politely.  I really did not want to. 'No,' I blurted out as I felt my cheeks turning hot. 'I do not.'

This surprised her. Now she was the one who raised an eyebrow at me.

'I certainly do appreciate your honesty,' she simply said. I knew someone talked rudely to her all the time, but I still felt a little ashamed knowing that I was one of those people. 'Harry, what about you?'

My eyes found his  green ones again. I saw tension building up in his body, he probably did not like speaking in front of a group as well. 

'I have many regrets,' he started and after that he stopped talking for a moment. 'One of them is not saving my godfather,' he then said angrily. The anger and hurt he still felt after so many years made me shiver. 'I feel like I am a disappointment, a worthless godchild.'

Dr. Dolan could not do magic, nor could anyone else except for me and Harry in the clinic. She did however know everything about the war. Her husband was a wizard who had fought in the war as well. She knew everything; the part Harry played and the role I played in the war.

'Harry,' she spoke with a soft, careful voice. 'I hope you know that you could have done nothing. Sometimes live just takes people away from us.'

'That makes sense,' Lydia spoke. 'I mean, if you could chose from twenty different kinds of candy, you would chose the ones that taste the best and look the most appealing. Right? Maybe that is why all the good people die.'

A painful laugh escaped Harry's lips. He looked with an expression of anger and hurt at the girl sitting in front of him.

'If you are such an expert could you please explain to me why my parents died? Why my godfather, his best friend and his wife, my best friend's brother and my friend died?' he asked while he stood up from his chair. 'Can you?'

The way he spoke made me shiver and scared. He did not deserve everything that had happened to him, not at all. Knowing that in a way I was responsible for all his pain made me feel even sicker.  It made me hate myself even more.

'Serena, would you like to say something to Harry?' dr. Dolan asked the quiet girl with strawberry-blonde hair. She looked up, her dark brown eyes showed no emotions at all. 'Get over it,' she mumbled. 'That is all you can do. You cannot change the past, but you can change the future.'

Hearing her wise words made me wonder why she was here in the first place. Yes, she had a terrifying look in her eyes, but her mental health seemed to be okay.

'Do you think you can do something with that Mr. Potter?' the therapist asked the boy friendly. He nodded, but did not look like he was listening at all. 'Thank you for sharing those wise words with us, Serena.'

The girl looked up and smiled, but soon that smile faded and she started to laugh hysterically. Her hands found there way to her long strawberry-blonde hair were she buried them. After a few seconds she actually pulled so hard that she had pulled out some of her own hair.

Let me rethink the fact that she is not supposed to be her. She is. She is probably even crazier than I am.

'Cecil?' Dr. Dolan called out and a few seconds later the friendly looking women came in. 'I will take care of this,' she simply said before pulling the younger girl out of the chair to the dining room. We could hear her laughter through the tin walls, something that made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

'So,' the older women continued, like nothing had happened, 'would you like to answer the question now Mr. Malfoy?'

I still did not want to. However, I knew that she would not let it rest until I had given her a honest answer. My heart started to beat a little faster, my hand palms started to get sweaty.

'I have many regrets,' I spoke with a unstable voice. One that I hated. 'One of them is being a fool.'

'Why would you be a fool?'

'I followed my parents without thinking twice, I just listened to them. Assuming that there was nothing I could do, I felt like I had no other choice,' I spoke with hate in my voice. Hate towards myself. 'I cannot help but wonder what would have happened if they would have given me an opportunity to think for myself.'

'You would still have done what you did,' a voice spoke, one that did not belong to either me or Dr. Dolan; it was Harry's. 'You are a coward,' he spoke again. 'A coward who would even betray his own friends for fame!'

The anger in his voice and the meaning of them made me want to cry. I had to swallow back salty tears.

'Mr. Potter, apologize to Mr. Malfoy, right now,' the women sitting next to me spoke with a stern voice. 'I said apologize.'

'But I am not sorry,' Harry simply said before walking out of the room with big passes. He left a silence in the room. One that I broke with tears streaming down my face and shaky sobs leaving my lips.