Devils and Angels

vi. holding on and letting go

v e r k l e m p t

completely overcome with emotion

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I FELT I SHOULD HAVE cared more that I was tardy, but a couple of weeks into school and I was already unable to care less―as long as I got there, survived all my lessons and made it back in one piece, what little did whether I was on time matter? 

With my bag straining on my back, my hair tightened beneath the strap, caught and discomforted by its position, I eased the door open and locked it behind me, barging it shut with my bag. Tardiness was one thing, but arriving midway through Statistics was entirely another, and I wasn't sure I could stomach a lecture from my teacher on the importance of not oversleeping on school days. 

I hadn't done so for the past little while, not with Caspian, whose punctuality seemed to be the only redeeming quality about him, but I'd walked away from that little agreement, and with good reason.

Any longer in his presence, and it'd be the death of me.

My shoes echoed against the wood as the lock clicked in the hollow corridor and I departed from the door, increasingly aware of the time crawling further and further away from an acceptable time to be leaving.

I was just about to quicken my pace, when, beside me, the hollow thud of another door slamming shut could be heard. Surprised, I whipped round, and brown eyes caught blue; disappearing, and the shadows of long limbs and traces of blonde hair as the door swung once more and he was gone, just the sound of his breathing muffled by the opacity of wood. 

For fuck's sake.

I turned my back on the scene, arms circling back as I bristled with the friction of shame and regret burning against my skin. My footsteps echoed again, but this time, the sound only felt empty and lonely, without the off-beat rhythm of another set of footsteps just beside. 

Caspian too had made himself late, and I couldn't help but feel accountable that he went against his instinct to accommodate my request, and even now, was paying for it. 

I glanced back, momentarily. He still hadn't emerged from his door, so I could only assume he was waiting until I was a distance ahead of him before leaving himself. With my short legs and slow pace, he would miss the beginning of first period, almost certainly.

I was at the end of the hallway by this time, stairs stretching out in front of me and his door just a faded rectangle in my memory.

He was a big boy, and he could certainly take care of himself.

But...I bit my lip, and finally released a soft, accepting breath of a sigh, shoulders sagging in defeat. I always knew you'd be the death of me.

Striding back down the hallway in a fit of exasperation, I held back from hollering outside his door, not wanting to disturb his parents and, if memory served me, easily fretful little sister. Sighing, I instead nudged my knuckles against the door, a light rain-patter of a knock, that caused the wood to fall away beneath my fist and for my hand to be elevated in front of his coat-clad chest instead.

"What are you doing here?" He leaned against the door-frame in a smooth, unconscious moment. "You need to go, or you'll be late."

"So will you," I retorted, shoving my hands in my pockets in frustration. "We'll both be late."

"Yeah, but..." He huffed a sigh. "You won't be. If you just go. I'll leave after you do."

"You know, I regretted not waiting for you," I snapped. Then, throwing my hands up, I added, "Now I'm regretting that regret!"