hope || kim.t.h + jung.h.s

twelve

Hoseok stormed into the boys' bathroom stomping with rage, feeling nothing but burning hatred. Being criticized everyday for being himself in a world where different is bad is a terrible feeling. He had finally been accepted by his one true love but now not even his peers can accept him. Why do they accept Taehyung but not Hoseok? Hoseok looked at himself in the mirror and scowled. He felt angry when he looked at himself. No matter how much someone loved him, he couldnt help but mentally nitpick at every little imperfection on his face. He was disgusted, hurt, and angry. The girl's words bounced in his brain, not anywhere close to causing him to break down, but able to bend his happiness into pure agitation.

He hated how people could just find it in them to bully others. Hoseok always thought he deserved it, but at this point, he wasn't even sure. He tried to rinse his face off with warm water to snap himself back to reality, but he was still hurt. He didn't know what to do. He stared at himself, puffy-eyed, red-faced, and scowling, thinking about just going home. He wanted to go home and lay on his porch, feeling the autumn wind flow through his body. But that couldn't happen. He stared and stared, completely skipping his class. He was lucky it was study hall.

After a while of leaning in the corner of the chemical scented bathroom, the door swung open, revealing the tall silhouette of a familiar person. Hoseok glances over to see Namjoon casually strolling in the room. "Aye Hobi, whaddup?" he said, walking straight over to the mirror. Hoseok shrugged. Namjoon kept his eyes glued to the mirror while he gently and frantically messed around with his hair to get it to lay properly. Namjoon didn't say anything else before hurrying back to his class. Hoseok just stayed in the bathroom, words swirling in his head. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't calm down. He whipped out his phone and texted his mom, Trying to convince her he was unwell. He pleaded with her to get her to pick him up so he didn't have to sit in that homophobic hell-hole until two o'clock, so he hoped and prayed she would come through. Sure enough though, his mom reluctantly agreed to retrieve him from that dreadful school.

Hoseok went straight to his room when he got home, ashamed of himself. He knew it shouldn't affect him, but it did. The discrimination hurt his soul.

Maybe I really am a disgusting monster.

Maybe I really am attention-seeking.

Maybe I'm really not good enough for Taehyung.

No, I can't think like that. I need to be strong. He tried his hardest to shake the paranoid and pessimistic thoughts from his head, but he knew it wouldnt work. This feeling was taking over his body all over again. He felt numb. The genuine happiness he was feeling is suddenly diminished and his body feels tired. He feels cold. His wrists burn, aching for that feeling of pain. His face stings, becoming warm and puffy. Tears well. His breathing grows heavier and heavier, and his mind is in shambles. Full thoughts were breaking apart and jumbling together like a scrambled scrabble board. He was falling apart on the spot. He couldn't think straight. His nose began to stuff and cause him to sniff endlessly. The tears started falling. He didn't want to cry, but he knew it was inevitable. The warm, sparkling tears streaked his face as they fell one after another. He tried his hardest to hide any whimpers, and covered his mouth, continuously wiping his eyes. He lay on his bed as he cried, trying to hide it best he could. It seemed almost impossible, though. He sulked and shivered as his visioin grew blurrier each second until he found himself drifting to sleep, where he hoped he'd feel better.