hope || kim.t.h + jung.h.s

nine

Hoseok sat on the floor with his head in his hands, Jungkook sitting with him. Just by looking at him, you could tell Jungkook was frantic, worried, stressed, and apologetic. "Hobi, I'm so sorry!" he cooed, frantically rubbing his back. Hoseok just shook his head and let his tears fall as rapidly as they could. His face was burning. He felt hot and sticky, and it was hard to breathe. His head pounded. All he wanted to do was scream and whine. "I fell too hard, Kookie." Hoseok choked out. His saliva thickened and made it hard to speak. His face was all too red. His wrists burned and pulsed. He whimpered and sulked loudly, letting it all fall out. "Shhhhhh shh shhh." Jungkook gently hushed. "Stop talking. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Things are getting better. It's okay to love." Jungkook whispered to him. Hoseok was too distressed to even pay any mind to Jungkook's words, and all he could understand was the voices in his head telling him he failed and wasn't good enough. All he could hear was the taunting words of his emotions spitting venom into his head and into his heart. He couldn't take it. "I don't wanna do this anymore." he groaned out. He leaned his head back on the wall and stared at his ceiling, biting his quivering lip and letting his tears cascade down his smooth face. His breathing hitched and jerked itself through his soft whimpers and all you could hear was his stuffy nose and uncomfortable hiccups. Jungkook frowned and placed one hand on Hoseok's shoulder and the other on his knee, trying his best to comfort the devasted boy. "Shh. It's okay, you don't have to do it anymore. You need to stay optimistic. You need to keep your head up. You don't need to hurt yourself to stop these feelings, Hoseok. It's not your fault. Nothing is your fault." Jungkook assured. He spoke softly and and carefully, being sure to avoid sensitive topics. "Hoseok, you mean a lot to all of us. It's not your fault he chose a girl. He's not with her now; you still have a chance." Hoseok rolled his eyes and groaned deeply. "It is my fault! If I were a woman he would feel interested. If I had a vagina he wouldn't care!" Hoseok cried out. He tapped his head gently off the wall, feeling horrible and disappointed in himself. He never felt good enough. "I'm not good enough. I'm a boy. I'm not good enough. I'm gay. I'm just not good enough, Jungkook." Hoseok repeated. He muttered on and on, losing all equanimity and tranquility. Hoseok was a sobbing mess of loud cries, heat, snot, and tears. He looked horrible; like a ribbon unraveled from its spool. His composure had completely fallen apart in a matter of minutes. Jungkook was just so concerned, but he had no idea what to do. However, he stayed calm and did his best to bring his friend to a relaxed state. "Hoseok, calm down." he requested tenderly. "You need to relax." Jungkook lovingly placed a hand on Hoseok's hunched back and shushed soothingly. It was after some hushes and and back rubs that Hoseok's crying finally faded out slowly and smoothly. However, his breath was still hitching and he was still shuddering.

After some time, Hoseok stopped his cries but still breathed heavily. His face was blotchy and pink and his eyes were puffy and sore. "Jungkook, I'm tired of being unhappy." he mumbled, staring at his friend. Jungkook looked him in the eyes, keeping a worried look about his face and sympathy in his eyes. "It's okay. You won't have to feel like this much longer." He pulled Hoseok into a hug, empathizing with him. "You need to keep your head up and ignore what you tell yourself. You have me, and I will always tell you the truth." he whispered. Hoseok sulked and sniffled, holding tight onto Jungkook. "Thank you, Kookie, it means a lot."

Jungkook was relaxing back on the bed with Hoseok resting his head on his chest, watching him play his game. He watched tentatively as Jungkook calmly played the old Playstation, and used that to keep his mind calm. All you could hear in the room was the grunts of the game character and the clicks of Jungkook's buttons interrupt the comfortable silence. Hoseok's eyes were still sore and puffy, and his face was still hot, but Jungkook cleaned him up and made him drink some cold water to cool him down. Hoseok was thankful for Jungkook; Jungkook did a lot for him. He always made sure to be there when Hoseok had a breakdown, mostly because he was scared Hoseok would do worse things. He didn't want Hoseok to end up taking his life because he couldn't handle the world around him alone. He needed Hoseok, and Hoseok needed him.