Belief

1.9

Sorry it took me so long to update guys! Since I made you wait so long, I decided to do a double update *cheers*. There are a lot of POV changes, so I hope it's not too confusing, but it's a transition chapter so they were needed. Enjoy (;

Maddie's POV

Sunday

I kept my door shut all day. I blocked out the outer world, I blocked out my own thoughts and feelings.

Numb. I was emotionally and physically numb.

My mother attempted to come in, to yell at me, to break down my door, to tell me how much trouble I was in. I stared at the ceiling, her threats passing over me. The door stayed shut along with my mouth. For all my mother knew I could be dead behind the door. I could have snuck out and ran away to Canada. Then again, she probably wouldn't care.

I sat on the floor in front of my bed for an unhealthily amount of hours. Just staring. No thoughts, no emotions.

Perhaps I should cry.

Ashton kept calling me. Half of me wanted to answer, but I resisted the urge. Today I didn't want to be with anyone. I didn't want to hear human sympathy. I didn't want to admit any of that had actually happened. I wanted to be alone in an empty abyss of denial.

Halfway through my day of self-pity, I was laying on the wooden floor of my room when a gray lump in my closet caught my eye.

I slid over, picking it up, and smoothing out the wrinkles.

It was Luke's Nirvana shirt.

The one he gave me to wear the first night we met.

This is when I let myself cry. Worse than the initial sobs of last night. These were sobs of acceptance. Admitting to myself that it really happened. It was really over. I gasped for air in between each shaking sob, finally letting it out. The numbness of my body began to fade like the pain slowly returning after your medication wears off. I was curled up, clutching my knees for support, Luke's shirt at my feet.

I wanted to rip it in half. I wanted to stuff it in the trash, or throw the ripped shreds out the window.

Instead, I wiped away my tears and slipped it over my shivering body. I climbed in-between my sheets and slept for the rest of the day. Luke's scent being my only company.

Healthy for getting over a breakup, I know.

That was Sunday.

Monday

I was half tempted to ignore my alarm and skip school, but finals were next week. Not even a severe lack of emotion and will power could stop me from acing my exams. Failing would make this state of misery even worse. It would make my mother even worse.

I forced myself out of bed, stumbling half asleep into the shower in hopes of reviving some life in myself. I ended up sitting on the floor of the shower for fifteen minutes. The cold water pelting my back, leaving it with a tingling numb sensation that matched my insides.

After scrunching up Luke's shirt and throwing it in the back of my closet, I walked out of the house on an empty stomach, a messy bun, one of Ashton's old hoodies, and somehow I had managed to get on jeans and a pair of toms. Not too bad if I say so myself.

School was a blur of drowning out my feelings with pointless equations and unnecessary information. At least these problems were easy to solve. There was always a way to find the answer, and I always knew exactly how to do it. If only life was that easy.

I was walking, well more like slugging, through the hallway when I saw him. My hands clenched at my sides.

That...ugh...he is such bad words.