Belief

4.5

Maddie's POV

I jolted awake, paralyzed by the nightmares. Paralyzed by the fact my nightmares were reality. I was fighting against the reigns of my thoughts, struggling to steer them away from the darkness clogging my pores from seeing the morning sun, but they had too tight of a grip. I forced myself out of bed, admitting defeat to the woes and darkness following me down the dimly lit hall.

"Good morning love," Liz pats me on the back as I slug into the kitchen. "Perk up, it is a beautiful day out," she attempts to earn a smile from me, I give her one out of habit. When forced smiles become natural, that is when you admit defeat. I reject her offer for breakfast, avoiding her weary gaze.

I give in eventually, sitting down with a cup of orange juice to relieve her of her worries. I didn't want my everlasting problems to become a burden. My presence enough was a burden.

Just as I let out a soft sigh, slouching back onto the seat as I let myself fall into a partial state of relaxation, a sleepy Luke walks into the kitchen shattering my attempts. His hair was strewn out of place and plastered across his forehead from the sweat of his sleep as if he had been tossing snd turning through the night, his sweatpants hung low against his bare chest, hands rubbing his eyes before they fluttered open bringing to life the dangerous blue incursions ready to swallow me whole. I forced myself to look away, the orange juice suddenly hot poison against my throat, his presence searing into the scar tissue around my heart.

He doesn't acknowledge me. Not that I expected him to. Luke ignored Liz's good morning, grabbing a box of cereal and a bowl, and sitting as far from me as possible. I can see his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of his uneasy breathing. His hand clenched around his spoon, staring at his bowl with a sense of emptiness.

"You might want milk before you eat that," I said curtly, sliding the pint to him. "But you might believe something else these days."

With that I push myself from the table, ignoring the fact I completely embarrassed myself with a sucky attempt at being rude to Luke. I hastily get changed into a t-shirt and shorts, slip on my converse, and throw my hair up to get out of this house as fast as I can. The fresh air pushes away my clenched throat, the sun melts away my broken expression, and the empty roads give me a sense of relief. Relief that there is no one around to break me, and no one around for me to break. The two halves of life; breaking and being broken.

I walk to the only place I know how to get to from here.

-

I walk across the street, entering the park, or as Ashton refers to it 'the sanctuary'. Children ran through the open spaces, the empty fields transforming into the land their imagination creates before their eyes. People sit under the trees, getting lost in the shadows, or perhaps hiding from their own. Walking over to the soccer fields, someone spots me from afar.

"Maddie!" Lauren shouts, waving to me from the stands. I wave, walking over. She taps a curly haired man-boy sitting next to her, pointing towards me.

"Madds?" Ashton grins, sliding over to make room for me. I lean into him, his arm immediately taking home slouched around my shoulders. I rest my head on him, a real smile emerging as I feel the relief of my troubles slowly fading.

In the midst of the chaos, in the midst of my woes, he is the one constant. He is the bird who sings in the rain, he is the star that shines through the misty night, he is the flower that grows in the cracks of the road, he is the hand that holds me when I forget I can move.

"Harry is playing in the game today, look," he points to the little curly haired boy on the field. "He will be so happy when he sees you here." Ashton squeezes my sides, resting his cheek against my head.