How Boys Speak

Dean Speaks: My Ex is a Douchebag

Dean Speaks: My Ex is a Douchebag

Long time, hey? Okay, let's get into this now.

So one day, I'm leaving the library when I see a girl crying by the stairs. I'm a nice guy, like Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump except I don't think I'm that retarded, so I stop and ask her what's wrong. She says she was living with her boyfriend and today she gets home, and he kicks her out. Why? He moved on apparently.

Now usually, I wouldn't be so quick to believe that nothing was wrong with this girl (I mean she may have cheated as well) but she tells me this guy's name is John Smith (not his actual name). Now everybody, in my side of the campus knows what a complete egghead John Smith is. All my friends now that John Smith is a dumb c*nt. Yeah, if you reading this, John Smith I just called you the c-word and I'm not taking it back.

So I asked my fellow friends on Facebook for their opinions on John Smith.

Roger's Reply

Roger: John Smith once made his kindergarten teacher cry. What type of monster does that? It sickens me to this day. Hey do you know where I can find saddle you put on a horse?

Me: No, why?

Roger: No reason.

Clyde:

Clyde: Heard he humped for girls in a hot tub at some party last year.

Me: Disgusting, hey.

Clyde: What is wrong with you, that's f*cking awesome! Did you get an invite from a Venessa? If you click on her fourth profile picture, you can see half of her nipple.

Me: Please stop.

Clyde: A$$hole.

Reece:

Reece: The guy whose head looks like a football? (See, told you)

Me: Like an egg!

Reece: Yeah, like that Adam Sandler guy!

Brandon:

Brandon: He's the same guy that whenever you bring up his name, Roger says something about a school teacher, right?

Me: That's the guy!

Brandon: Who is he?

Me: F*ck you, you missed the point.

Brandon: When you went on vacation, I forgot to feed your fish three times.

Me: WHAT?

Anyway, cutting a long story short. I logged onto our school's page and I was browsing through the classified ads when I noticed that our friend, John Smith, was looking for a new place to rent. Well I decided to call him.

Advert:

Name: John Smith
Dept: LAW

Looking to rent a flat. 1 bedroom. Price can be discussed.

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I pretend to be someone selling a flat, but there's a catch. See the side pic to the right. If you on your phone or whatever and can't see the pic, it's fine. You'll catch on with the prank. (This joke has been used before to prank other people looking for a places to rent, it often gives hilarious reactions)

Remember this guy is a lawyer, he's quite the talker.

*Ring ring*

John: Hello?