Shhh! Scribbler at Work

Half Full, or... ?

(prompt: 'empty' 30/3/2018)

Hmm - 'empty' - one of those words with countless meanings and nuances; stirring a multitude of emotions and memories. Mostly it wears a negative cloak. But now and then... maybe not.

Empty was my heart when a beloved dairy cow - No. 39 as I remember - took one huge inward breath and with a small shudder rippling across her body, heavily sighed her last. Hard to say who was more appalled - the vet or ourselves.

It followed the last stitch to close the most outer layer of her body after a lengthy and gruelling operation to unravel her horribly twisted stomach. In the most appalling surroundings - the concrete dairy yard - the veterinarian surgeon had battled for her life and to the sad disbelief of all, lost. We can painfully vouch for the truth of the old farmer's saying - 'If you have live animals, yer gonna have dead ones'.

Empty was the bucket of milk when the tallest calf I ever fed threw up his head, bucket and all and bolted. The major problem was that I was straddling him at the time, having guided his over-enthusiastic head into the bucket. Though I now wore a soaking layer of milk from top to toe, I was determined he was not getting away from me. To my 'sicko' hubby's hysterical laughter, a mini-rodeo entertained him in his very own stock-holding yards. I shared the hysteria but not the mirth. Not then. But later? And today? Hell yes!

And empty is what my heart should feel when I think of those I have loved who are no longer with me. But I'm one of the lucky ones. My heart is chockablock with small pockets of memories. Each and every one has a special shape and corner that no other can fill. Someone rather important once said words to the effect 'Do not let your hearts be troubled. My Father's house has many rooms.' So, it seems, has my heart.

Empty nest syndrome is what many mothers experience when the last of the cherubs takes wing. The adjustment is large, it's true. And for some it's far more permanent than they would have imagined. And yet... looked at in the most positive way, it can be a wonderful time for finally having time to consider self first instead of last on the list; to fan the flames of a heap of re- words - remember, rediscover, recognise, re-ignite, and best of all, relish all that has been and all that lies ahead on any of the many paths you can choose.

Empty - is a choice to feel, or NOT - as is another word - fulfilment.

I suspect it's time for resuscitating that old acronym learned many, many years ago -

IADOM - It All Depends On Me.