The Queens Book Of Trash

I'm sorry

Ok so this is going to be sad and have some hints at depression so I'm sorry in advance if you are triggered by that.

"Hey guys so I have been talking to a person who will remain anonymous for now and they told me that they liked me but if I could be with them I hade to get rid of well...this this group of wonderful people who I have followed and who have followed me so I honestly don't know what to do I mean this site has made my life so much better in a sense that i can enjoy others content and others can enjoy my content. I don't want to leave but." My gaze turns away from the camera. Am I really going to quit what I spent so long working on. What I spent years building up the community that I made. No. No I'm not. " I just want you all to know that you are too important. More important than just some person who says that they love me. They really love me it wouldn't make me choose. So just want you all to know that no matter what I'm going to stay. And I'll see you all in another video bye." I flicker my gaze away from the camera turning it off. Who needs a relationship when you have all these people looking up to you. Besides if they really love me they would let me continue my YouTube career not make me choose between them. Maybe someday I'll find the right person but I guess today is not that day.

# time skip #

It's been a few months now I told the person that I declined their offer and they were very upset. They told me that they would have me one day or another. Since then I've been paranoid keeping to myself mostly I locked up the doors close all the windows. Thankfully they don't know where I live currently they did only see me when I went to my parents house for Christmas. It still scares me the thought that maybe one day they'll just break into my house and kidnap me. Well I say house but it's-it's an apartment. So there will be other people around if that ever does happen. Can't keep me from worrying though it seems like all I'm good for. worrying. I start to think about what they said after I told them no. ' you're worthless you'll miss me you take me up on that offer sooner or later the loneliness will get to you ' was it was the loneliness getting to me I don't know but I didn't like where my mind was wondering. I just need to keep making videos keep being  inspirational keep being happy. Besides I have to meet up with Anna later she said she has a new game she thinks I should play.

# days later #

I didn't go visit Anna I stayed at home and cried. I cried a lot but when I didn't come Anna called me she asked me what was wrong she told me that everything is going to be alright even though she had no idea why I was crying I've been sitting in the same position on my couch ever since. I'm just been really depressed lately and it wasn't even because of THEM it's been going on for a few months just no one seems to notice. It kinda  hurts knowing that no one really notices the pain that I'm going through though I guess it doesn't really matter. If no one seems to notice it then it's not important right? Of course it's just me being petty. It's me just wanting attention wanting someone to love me and no one out there really does. And no I don't mean in the parents way, or the sibling way, or the friend way. I mean in the romantic way. I want someone who will care for me love me unconditionally make my sadness go away. I just want it to go away. God now I sound whiny. I need to go to court anyways put on some makeup and dry those tears we have people to entertain.

It's just become to much I'm sorry.