High School // Malec

Chapter 40.

The day I had feared the most finally came and when I woke up in the morning, all I wanted to was to fall back asleep again. It was time for Max's funeral and I knew that I never would be able to survive the whole ceremony. Jace would have Clary by his side the whole time and Simon also promised that he would be there. I'm happy that my best friend is going to be by my side the whole time, but knowing that Magnus isn't going to be there breaks my heart into a million pieces. He's honestly the only one that I want to be there with me and the fact that he's probably never returning back from Indonesia makes me want to kill myself. I haven't stopped tried to call him, but unfortunately, I'm only reaching his stupid voicemail, meaning that he's telephone still is turned off for some idiotic reason that I really don't get. I stood up from my bed and walked into my bathroom where I took a quick shower. The hot water made my body feel a little bit more relaxed, but my mind was still a war zone. When I was satisfied with my shower and my body was dry again, I got dressed in my black costume that my mother had helped me pick out the night before. I had never used it before and it hurt so much knowing that the first time I would use it, would be at my baby brothers funeral. I took one last look in the mirror and thereafter, I walked down the stairs and continued into the kitchen where Izzy sat on one of the chairs around the dinner table. She was dressed in a beautiful black dress and her raven black hair hung over her shoulders. To my surprise, her face was free from makeup but it was probably because she didn't want it to be messed up due all of the crying she was about do to later. As I sat down beside her, she looked at me with a fake smile on her lips and I could tell that she had barley slept at all. She had dark rings under her crystal clear eyes and her skin looked pale than usual. I won't blame her because I know that I looked exactly the same. I haven't been sleeping good since the day Max died and the fact that Magnus isn't sleeping beside me makes everything a lot worse. The comfort of his body always makes me feel better but now when his arms aren't wrapped protectingly around my body, horrible nightmares about death keeps me awake at night. I have actually tried to fall asleep with the help of sleeping pills, but not even getting drugged to sleep keeps the disgusting nightmares away.
- Hi, Izzy said with a weak voice and looked at me with tired eyes
- Hi, I answered
We sat in silence for a while, mostly because no one of us knew what felt right to talk about, but also because talking seemed like the wrong thing to do at the moment. Minutes passed and before I knew it, Jace also arrived into the kitchen. He also wore a black costume that was similar to mine and the look on his face showed nothing but pain. He sat down one of the chairs on the opposite side of the table and turned his attention towards me and Izzy.
- Has anyone of you guys seen Robert? I haven't seen him since yesterday and he's not in his room, Jace said and let out a quiet sigh
- He's probably getting drunk somewhere where we can't find him, I answered and rolled my eyes
- Probably, Jace whispered
The silence continued for a while and it wasn't until my mother walked into the kitchen that the three of us tried to look a bit more alive. My mother was wearing a stunning dress and I felt really sorry for her that she had to wear it for such a horrible event. The dark rings under her eyes were more visible than previous days and I could tell that she hasn't slept either.
- Are you guys ready? She asked
The three of us nodded and stood up from the chairs we were sitting in. A taxi was already waiting for all of us outside and when we stepped into it, the driver looked at us with a sad facial expression, almost like he knew what we were going through. The ride to the church wasn't too long and when we finally arrived, I saw how Clary and Simon stood beside each other, waiting for us to arrive. I was the first one who stepped out from the taxi and when Simon saw me, he walked up to me and out both of his arms around me in a comforting hug. He was dressed in a dark blue costume and to my surprise, his hair was nicely styled on his head. Clary also gave me a quick hug when Simon finally let go of me and thereafter, all of us walked into the church. Jace was walking first with Clary by his side, following by Izzy and Simon. I was walking a few steps back with my mother holding onto me like her life depended on it. I could feel how her body was shaking and when I turned my attention towards her, I saw tears streaming down her cheeks.
- It's going to be okay, I said and carefully squeezed one of her small hands that I was holding in mine
She gave me a small smile that was obviously fake and together, we walked into the beautiful building. The first thing I noticed when we walked into the church was the coffin that Max's body was laying in. Since we had decided that the funeral would be an open casket funeral, I could see how Max laid there. He was dressed in a costume and his hair was hanging in front of his closed eyes. The sight made me want to scream out in pain and cry my eyes out, but I knew that I had to stay strong in front of the rest of my family. We sat down on our places and before I knew it, a lot of people I knew, like friends to the family and mothers sister for example had arrived to the church. As I turned my attention towards Izzy, I could even see how my dad sat beside her, holding her hand in his. I have no idea when he showed up, but for some stupid reason, I was happy that he was here. He's my father after all. The ceremony began and the priest was talking for a while, but it was like I couldn't hear him. The only thing I could focus on was Max's body that was laying in that stupid coffin that was way too small for my liking. A few people held speeches when the priest finally had stopped taking and even Jace and Izzy had prepared short speeches, but not me. I knew that I never would be able to speak in front of all of these people and to my surprise, everyone understood my situation and told me that it was alright. When the funeral finally was done, we walked together to the grave that soon would belong to Max. As I looked at the hole in the ground that soon would be the place that held my baby brother, I felt how tears started to scream down my cheeks. I had promised myself that I wouldn't cry, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep that promise. It didn't really matter anyways, everyone was crying and in a horrible moment like this, that is more than okay.

// TBC \\

Don't forget to check out my new book called "Survival of the fittest"☺️ I have posted the two first chapters and I'm really proud over it so far❤️