Lefty's ✓

fifteen.

August

This one's been harder than those of the past. This heartbreak has been worse than all of the others. For example, the way I felt for Lora didn't even compare to the love I felt for Melissa. She was everything to me, but I guess that was my first mistake.

I've been warned by people to never put my full heart and soul into a relationship; to always save a bit for myself. That bit was supposed to be put behind a case of glass with a hammer next to it, the glass reading, "Break incase of heartbreak."

But I never did. I always thought the idea was stupid. Why wouldn't you put everything you had into a relationship? I put all of my heart and soul into my relationships because I wanted them to love all of me; every last bit.

I knew Melissa didn't, but I thought she would eventually. That's why it hurt so bad. I thought we had a shot. I thought we were actually going somewhere. She was continuously opening up to me more and more and I thought that meant that she was starting to trust me; almost enough to be in an actual relationship ship. I guess I thought wrong.

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It's easier to feel one specific emotion than everything at once. My emotion these past few days has been want. The want for a different, better, life.

These days I've wished we lived in more than we do. I wish my small room was actually a wild utopia bursting with new opportunities. I wish the cafe was really a glorious castle where fairy tales came true. And most of all, I wish I wasn't just human. Instead, I was a magical being that could do more than walk and talk. But not only is none of that true, but it never will be. All my life I'll be stuck in my bed staring at the chipped ceilings, dreaming instead of living.