The Dance

Comfort and Safety

"Jesus, Jay. You're freezing." Chris said as he pulled me in the apartment, closing the door behind me. I just stood there, looking at him, his crystal blue eyes panicked. Suddenly he dashed to his room, leaving me standing there. I shivered again, slowly staring out into space.
He returned with a towel and some clothes, he held them out to me. My brain wasn't functioning, I knew that he was offering them to me but it was like the rest of my body didn't comprehend. I just stared at them, and then looked back at him.
"Jay, you need to change." He told me softly as another shiver rocked my body. "Are you okay?"
"No." I whispered, looking into those beautiful twin pools of his. His face was laced with concern, as he reached out tentatively. Slowly he pushed the straps of my bag from my shoulders, watching, studying my face for some kind of reaction. I heard it hit the floor behind me.
"Will you tell me?" He asked softly, so softly. He began to unzip the drenched hoodie I was wearing.
"Some day." Was all I could get out, he carefully pushed the shoulders of the garment of my body. The fabric making a weird sucking sound as he pulled it from me. The cold air rushed in, enveloping me with a renewed sense. I shivered again, slowly bringing my hand up, resting it on his warm bare chest.
"You promise?" He looked down at my hand, then followed it back to me.
"Yes." I stepped into him, closing the bit of distance that there was. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and placed my head against his chest. I would never be okay, that was the truth of the matter, but I wanted to try to be okay.
    "I thought you left." He whispered through pain filled words.
    "I did." I muttered.
     "Sweetheart, let's get you out of these wet clothes and into something dry and warm." He finally told me, I stepped back and grabbed the items he had handed me.
    "Thank you, Chris. I mean it, thank you." Slowly I walked into the bathroom and pulled the wet clothing from my body. If he hadn't been home, if he hadn't opened the door, I would of lost my nerve. I was about to turn and leave when he opened. He didn't know how close he had been to me leaving and not coming back.
That didn't matter though, he opened the door and let me in, without question, no expectations.
    I came back out following the hall to living room. He had piled blankets on the couch, the smell of hot chocolate filled the air. Silently I walked up his back to me and ran my hand across his shirtless back. He smiled, then looked over his shoulder at me.
"Hey, beautiful." He murmured warmly to me. I didn't reply, I just held his eyes, as he slowly turned to me. His arms snaking their way behind me again. His gazed dropped to my lips for brief moment, my heart doing double time in that moment.
His eyes slowly wandered back up mine, I could tell he wanted to lean forward. To bridge that gap, to find my lips with his. His eyes continued to study my face wandering around, taking in every feature. Slowly he brought a hand a up, tucking a strand of wet hair behind my ear. He cupped the back of my neck and slowly leaned in.
The door opening startled us, Chris jumped back almost instinctively. The rush of cool instantly filled the void between us, there was an apologetic look on his face. Quickly he turned as Sebastian walked in the door. He didn't look up, just shrugged out of his jacket. He had a despondent look on his face, he finally he looked up.
His eyes landed on Chris, then past him at me. I watched as he just stared at me, disbelief on his face. My heart pulled for him, I could see his sad face just for a moment, he blinked and then blinked harder. Relief washed over him.
Sebastian took long strides, crossing the room in long quick strides. He pulled me into his arms, tightly engulfing me.
"You came back." He whispered, kissing the side of my head. I could feel the tears start to well up behind my eyelids, I don't know what I did to deserve the affection of both these amazing men but I was glad to have it.
"Can we all, just lay around and watch movies?" I asked, not ready to explain to Chris my past, not wanting to explain the running. I just want to live in this moment, and worry about anything else later.
"Of course." He whispered, walking me over to the couch. I piled myself into the blankets, snuggling into Sebastian as Chris brought three mugs of hot chocolate. He sat down and then laid his head in my lap.

I woke hours later as the sun was starting to set, piled deep in soft blankets, curled on the couch. Slowly I sat up, looking around, Sebastian was in the kitchen. He was shirtless, his dark jeans hung low on his hips. His hair was wet, and loose.
I pulled myself from the blankets, quietly walking over to him. I stopped just short of him, as he turned, seeing me out of the corner of his eye.
    "Feeling better?" He asked.
     "Yes and no." I replied, looking down at my hands.
      "Tell me about it then." He leaned his hip against the counter top.
     "I didn't want to leave." I stated shakily, taking a deep breath. "I didn't want to leave either of you, and I still have the overwhelming urge to run. It's what I do, it's who I am."
    "There's no need for you run, not from us." He replied softly, pushing himself off the counter and closed the distance between us.
     "It's not just because whatever is happening here seems so foreign to me. But also because I know he is out there." A lone tear slipped out as I tried to keep from crying again.
     "He's not going to get you, not with both of us. You're safe here." He pulled me in, my heart was beating hard, I took a deep breath in. He smelled like this side of heaven and he was right. I hadn't felt this safe in a long time.
    "Promise?" I asked lifting my gaze to his face.
     "Promise." Slowly he brought his head down, I felt his lips brush mine, it was tender and comforting. He slowly pulled his lips away from mine, and leaned his forehead against mine. "When Chris gets back, I think you should tell him."
"I know." I sighed.
"And please don't leave again." He whispered.