The Dance

Feelings and Driving

Chris and I stepped out in the morning, I took a deep breath. Today was a new day, I watched him out of the corner of my eye. His ball cap pulled low on to his forehead, eyes hidden by his sunglasses. The amount of prep time to go out into the world was minimal but he tried to make himself inconspicuous as possible.
"Does that actually work?" I finally broke the silence as we walked into near by park.
"Not always but one can hope." He flashed me a grin, as we walked over to a near pond. Ducks paddle around dunking down into the water, splashing to their hearts content.
"It's been a long time since I went anywhere with anyone." I admitted, trying to keep my voice from sounding shaky, willing myself to open up to him.
"May I ask why?" He asked, turning his body to face me, as much as I was ready to try and open but I couldn't find it in myself to face him.
"It's hard to get close to people when your on the run. Never knowing if the thing from a waking nightmare will find you." I breathed, my fingers trembled as I laced them together. "It feels like being hunted I imagine, never knowing when you'll be caught."
"But you stayed." He stated calmly reaching over to grab my hands.
"I did, I'm not going to lie but there's a part of my that still wants to run." I inhaledat my confession, looking at his hand that wormed its way into mind. Quite like he and Sebastian had worked their way into my life.
"But?" He asked knowing I still had more to say.
"There's an even bigger part of me that's telling me to stay. You and Sebastian, I don't know what it is but the for first time in years I feel a level of safety. It's hard to be at war with yourself, when your gut is telling you to run and you brain is screaming at you to stop." I closed my eyes, biting down on my lip.
"You'll always be safe with us." He told me, slowly pulling me toward him. I had to stop him, he needed to understand.
"Chris, I can't be around you every second of every day and neither with Seb, and I can't just camp out in the apartment. Richard, he's dangerous and completely unstable. He.. he didn't just lock me up but he completely kill the person who I used to be." I finally turned to face him. "He lied to my entire family, he made them believe everything he said. Even when I got away the first time and turned to them, they turned on me. They were the reason my night mare turn into another year of hell."
For once he had no response, I couldn't see his eyes. His lips formed a thin line, and his nostrils flare, I see his jaw clench. I pulled my hand from his and crossed my arms in front of my chest as I turned to walk away.
"There are days I'm great and nothing in the world can stop me, I cherish those cause I forget everything. But sometimes something triggers those memories, a scent, a sound, The tone in someone's voice and it's like I never left that basement. My world crashes down and I'm lost, and I don't know how to bring myself out of it." A hot tear rolled down my cheek, it's one thing to tell someone that your broken but it's entirely different ordeal to completely open a festering wound. A wound so deep it goes straight down through your entire being, not even where the light of day hits.
"Sunrise." He sighed, slowly I felt his arms wrap around from behind me. Tears began to fall, and I hated every moment of it. I had cried so much in my life I thought I'd never cry again and yet here I was still able to. "Your not broken."
"Chris I don't know how to be in a relationship, I don't know how to be anything other then what I've become."
"You are so much stronger then I think you give yourself credit for. No matter that you think you're not broken, no matter what you think a relationship should be, you're here with us. Willing to give this shot and we'll be there, ready to step in and help the best we can. No more living in the past, cause we aren't there." He held me tightly against him, his chest flush against my back as I stared out to into nothingness. My heart was heavy as the weight of the past was left the air, I brought my hand up and brushed away the last tear. "Come with me?"

       Chris and I had went back toward the apartment but we got in his car and drove out of the city. He turned the music up as we drove, sing as loud as he could. God he was such a dork, before long I was belting out with him. Any tension and overwhelming feelings from earlier was left back in the city. The open road a head of us and the landscape drifting past were a welcomed feeling.
Before I knew it we were turning on a well worn dirt road, pulling up to a fence. He waved at the guy that stood next to the opening. I looked around a bit bewildered.
"Chris, where are we?" I looked at him as he pulled in with the rest of the cars. He shot me a mile wide grin.
"Well, its about lunch time and I thought Seb could use a small boost to get him through the day." He replied as we got out of the car, he motioned for me to follow as we walked through a sea of trailers.
Finally we made to section that was littered with tables and chairs. People were filing in, slowly I started to recognize some of these people were actors, I looked over to where Chris had been. He had wandered a way and started talking with a group, I could feel my hands start to shake. So many people, people I didn't know. I took in a ragged breath.
A pair of arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders causing me to jump.
"Shh, it's just me rooftop." Sebastian's soft voice filled my ear. I turned around in his arms and hugged him back.
"Scared the crap out of me Hollywood." I replied with a chuckle as he released me. That's when it hit me, the metal arm glinted in the bright sunlight. "That's what the two of you are filming."
"Yeah, come on, I want to introduce you to Mackie before Chris does." He grinned, grabbing my hand.