Authors note! Must read - Ok, so hey fans! I've wanted to do a new story for awhile that would be super funny! I finally have the idea. So, in TV shows and movies, you never see people going to the bathroom! So this is a spoof of Twilight and the rest in the seires where they DO go to the bathroom! Enjoy!
I'm one lonely vampire who loves blood. And smexy girls! But one day, the was this new gal in school. Man did she look delicous! The worst thing was, I had to sit next to her! Smexy and yummy! What's going to happen?! I could smell her a mile away! She came in and sat down next to me. "Hey. I'm Bella. New here. Are you?" She asked me.
"N-n-n-no.'' I said. I leaned over and sniffed her. Oh man. I want to bite her right here, right now! Sniff sniff sniff. She had the best sent ever!
"Ummm what are you doing?" She asked. I didn't want to tell her that I was a vampire.
I leaned back and said "Sniffing you. I'm part... dog. My mom is a poodle. I get everything else from my father. I get good looks, sharp teeth, the pleasant odor from him. Though the sniffing habit, I get from my poodle mother. And my scratchy vo- ruff! Ruff! Voice.'' She looked at me funny. I didn't care. "Mr.Limeolimense, I have to go potty!"
Mr.Limeolimense is our teacher. "Then go boy. Go let your water trickle out of you like a water fall. The water fall falling into a toilet. Let the po-''
"THAT'S ENOUGH! I HAVE TO GO NOW!!!!!" I yelled. Everyone across the school could hear it. Bella gave me a smexy look. Like she wanted to make out with me. Go ahead Bella. I ran out of the room and to the bathroom. I grabbed a magazine and went potty. Some boys looked at me weird since I had a magazine in my hand. What was I supposed to do on the toilet? For twenty-five minutes while doing a humanly thing?
About twenty-four minutes later I walk into the classroom. "I have an announcement! Unless you love unpleasant odors, do not go into the bathroom. Does anyone have perfume?" I said.
Bella walked over and kissed my lips and handed my the perfume. "I think odors are sexy. Can I come and help you?"
"Unless if you want a poodle bite." I ran off and sprayed the whole bottle of perfume. "Thank you Bella.'' I said. Then, school was over for the day. Bella walked out into the parking lot. I went over to my car and watched her walk. Her shinny brown hair. Looking like what I did today in the bathroom, but smoother and prettier. Her dark brown jacket with her jeans looking awesome on her. Those shoes she's wearing, beauitful. I would have choosen flats, but whatever floats her boat, floats mine to. I see her holding her school books, looking down. Then a car comes screeching. I ran over to save her.
"You saved my life!'' Bella said after I stopped the car from running into her.
I stud up and smiled. Then fixed my jacket. "Oh, no biggy. That's just what I do. At least my super vampire strength kicked in right away!" I said.
Her face seemed confused. I didn't understand why. Its obvious that I saved her. That isn't hard to understand. Maybe Bella is a blond and dyed her hair brown just to look smart! "I thought you were a poodle, not a vampire.'' Bella said.
"A poodle? You believed that?! Whose a poodle that you know?! I am a vampire. Look at these babys!" I showed her my fangs. She fell in love with them. I think.
"Will you be be be my new boyfriend cuz I don't know what's coming next? And I love those fangs of yours hey!" She said in the rhythm of Bella Thorne's ttylxox song.
I said yes and then we went home together. "Bella, graduation is this year. I've already grautated 20 times. What if they don't let me and then I have to break up with you and everything fails!" I said panicked and sad.
"They you bite 'em! Bite with all yuor might! I don't care what happens! You have to grauate and move into college with me and be my husband and then we have a fricking beauitful family!" Bella said. I agreed. I dropped her off at home then went down to the forest to calm down and leave the thought of not being with Bella.
I entered the forest. It was dark and gloomy. Animals roaming every where you step. Birds cherping everywhere. Not this time. Not in this forest. A human figure ran over to a tree and I backed away. I saw another, and another. I started running. Running, sprinting, jogging, panting, breathing, breaking, running, sprinting. Stopped by a figure. Standing right in front of me. It looked me in the eye and tackled me to the ground. It bit me and I bit it back. Someone else came running over, a girl. I could hear her panicked voice. A voice like my sister's. Like how I became a vampire. Which took me to Bella. Bella. That's whose voice it was! I tackled everyone else to the ground and they all were bleeding.
"Edward! You saved me again! Those were the muskers, out to get me and anyone in their way! They were all vampires!" Bella gasped.
"It-it-it'' I fell to the ground.
End note- Ah ha! A cliffhanger! So what do you think so far? FUnny, scary, good, bad. Should I contiune? Comment! -live_luagh_create <3
