Heal my Heart

23. Getting Suspicious

Hello there.

I just want to tell you all that I will write both character's (Manik & Nandini) POV as per the story requires and that's no way going to change. You have to bear it even if you don't like or it's boring for you.

And the updates are not edited yet so there maybe a lot of grammatical mistakes. If I get some time on this Sunday, I will do that.

***

Nandini

The moment he stormed out of the terrace, tears rolled down my eyes. But this is what I wanted right? This had to be done sometime. He just couldn't be with me any longer. He and his family would be in danger. And I don't want that.

But why did I felt ashamed of showing my injuries? Why did I fear that he will be disgusted by that? When he tried to pull up the hem of my dress, I thought he would disgusted by seeing those so I tried my best to hide it away from him but he was too adamant that I gave up. But why do I care what he thinks about me? He just a stranger whom I met the day before and today we just got to know each other's name. Then why do I care if he is disgusted by me or my body?

But the shocking thing was he didn't reacted the way I thought he would. Actually it was direct opposite of that. He was angry. He eyes showed pure rage but when he looked at me it quickly changed into concern. It wasn't supposed to be concern but disgust. It was supposed to be disgust like my parents, Yuvi feel. He was supposed to feel disgust. I was scared even terrified out of my mind that time. Yuvi always told me that no one would feel anything for me. No concern. No care. No affection. No love. Love was far far away but no one would even like me, because of my tainted body, trained soul. They would only feel disgust and hatred towards me. So why didn't he reacted in that way? The more scaring thing was I didn't want him feel disgust towards. I liked his concern. I liked how he cared. This feeling was all new for me which terrified me to the core. That's why I talked rudely afterwards. I didn't meant a single word I said then. But it pained more than the pain of my injuries when he took those words seriously and became emotionless.

If I want to come out of my misery now, it would just a take a snap of my fingers to do that. It's the perfect opportunity, if I marry Manik then i could get the hell out of here but do I want that?

I do want to come out of this situation but not by endangering someone's else life for own selfishness. And if that happened, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. The guilt of that will kill me everyday. I can live like this whole my life but I would never want my freedom at the stake of anyone's life. No one is to hurt for my sake.

But why do I feel so much pain now? Its even worse than what my injuries hurt. It's the pain in my heart. I wanted him stay away from me and he did exactly that, he walked out of here. Isn't that what I wanted from the beginning? Then why do I want him back here. It was comforting when he was here. His presence was strangely comfortable. I felt at ease. I felt secured. Maybe it was his eyes that did the talking with mine. Maybe it was his touch in which I felt safe and secured. Maybe it was his presence that provided with sense of comfortness. Or maybe it was all of him that kept me at ease the whole time. And after his disappearance the loneliness came back. The feeling of insecurity came back.

He isn't supposed to be in my presence anymore but my mind, body and soul just wants his presence beside me. Just his presence. Nothing more.

I don't know what changed between the time from yesderday to today but I want his presence around me. It's impossible. It's a sin. It's dangerous. And we can't be together even if any of us wants to be.

Manik

While climbing down the stairs, her words kept repeating in my head. I suddenly felt someone holding both my hands. Startled I looked directly looked at Mukti who was eargerly waiting for me to say something.