Punk Princess (completed) (being edited)

Chapter 8

I throw my phone down on my bed for the millionth time after checking to see if Alec, Lacey, or West has responded to me. None of them have, except for West, and he just told me to meet at his house tomorrow for band practice after school, and that Lacey and Alec broke up. I told him I was sorry, and he hasn't even looked at it. That was two hours ago. Alec and Lacey looked at my messages, but never responded. 

I feel like crap. How could I be so stupid? I knew better than to kiss Alec, and I knew something like this would happen if I did. I knew better than to send that text this past weekend, and I knew it would cause problems. Actually, it's probable that Alec's told West about that text, and that West told Lacey, and that they now all hate me. I probably just lost my only three friends. I mean, I could always go back to Via and the rest of them, but I honestly don't really think I want to be friends with them anymore. I've noticed how crappy they are and how I crappy I was to other people, and I don't like it.

Maria has also seemed pretty detached to everyone else in the group besides Matt since I left, but I've noticed that Matt's becoming much less shy and much more forward. I don't know, but maybe it's good that I left. I mean, they obviously don't miss me -- Via usually has her tongue down Zach's throat, and the closest thing to indicate that I've been missed is a shy glance and smile at me from Maria last week in English class, and that seemed pretty fake. I honestly don't know how I could ever stand them. 

Well, actually, I do. I was just like them. Well, I pretended to be so like them that I literally was them. I'm still kind of like them, especially at home -- I usually wear one of my new shirts under a polo shirt when I leave the house, and change out of whatever stupid skirt I end up wearing into jeans or yoga pants in the locker room, and then I change either at West's house or in my car before I go home.

I do all my homework at home, still practice classical piano when my parents are around, and try to act like nothing's changed, even though everything has. The only thing my parent's have even noticed is my hair, and I told them that Via and I decided to dye our hair with Kool-Aid and that it won't come out. They were kind of mad, but they just told me not to do it again. They don't even care that I'm never home anymore, either -- they just kind of brush it off, acting like it's a phase or something.

I'm kind of starting to wonder if they would even give a crap if I actually wore my band shirts and ripped jeans around them and blasted and played music other than Bach and Mozart. I don't think they would even notice. They fuss over me, and ask me questions, but it's become so obviously robotic that it's ridiculous. If they did notice, they would probably just decide that I'm a lost cause and that my sister is their only worthy daughter. Scratch that -- that's exactly what they would do. And it sucks.

I don't know what to do. About anything -- Lacey, West, Alec, my parents... it's all a stupid, screwed up and hopeless mess that I've created, mostly over the last few weeks. I mean, with my parents, it's a little different -- that's just a mess that's been brewing my whole life, just waiting for the right time to bubble over the pot. But with Lacey, and now West and Alec... all my fault. Maybe not completely with Lacey, but for the most part, it has been me. I kissed Alec, and it's just caused a bigger mess than I ever could have fathomed I could create. 

And it's all my fault. And I hate myself for it. 

I grab my phone off of the bed and begin dialing West's number. He probably won't pick up, but I need to do this.

It rings once. And again. No answer. Again, it rings. 

"Hello?" asks a voice. I'm not sure, but I think it's West. His voice, though... it sounds rougher than usual. Less kind. He's upset. Crap. 

"Hey, it's me," I say, biting my lip. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I know it's the best thing I can do right now, and it will hopefully just help us all move on and get over all of this. Then we can just all go our separate ways. "Can we talk?"