Punk Princess (completed) (being edited)

Chapter 9

I poke my fork distastefully at my food on my lunch tray, trying to ignore the people around me. Since I talked to West, things just got more and more awkward, and we decided that I should quit the band. Lacey and Alec have sort of reconciled, but they're not the same as they were. It's so obvious, I've been able to tell. They're... different. We're all different. West told me they were still trying to do the battle of the bands thing, but he doubts they'll win. I asked if I could come back for one night, but he said Lacey would probably wring my neck and that it's just all too different now. I agree, but I still feel bad. We had a good thing going, and, as I usually do, I screwed it all up.

"Hey, Cait, you okay?" I'm sitting with Olivia, Maria, and Matt at the lunch table we've sat at since forever, with the last few weeks and my appearance there being the only exception. Olivia and Zach have since broken up, so it's just the four of us. Everything's different. I'm still wearing band shirts and tanks and jeans, Olivia's no longer her peppy, happy, self, and Maria and Matt are becoming as forward and close as Olivia and Zach were. I guess the latter is a good thing, but it's like I'm living in a parallel universe. I hate it. 

"What do you think, Olivia?" I snap. I watch her face fall, and she turns away from me, talking to Matt and Maria. I don't apologize because, honestly, she doesn't care and neither do I. The only reason I'm even sitting with her is because I don't feel like sitting by myself. That would be worse yet. I quickly finish eating the rest of my food and leave the table. I walk past West, Lacey, and Alec, but I don't even get so much as a glance from them. I turn around to look at them, and I get an apologetic look from West for a split second before he turns away to tell Lacey something. She laughs, and then glares at me. I walk away as she begins mouthing insults at me. 

I walk around aimlessly through the halls for a while until I get cussed at by some stupid guy who I accidentally almost face plant into, and then I decide to find somewhere by myself. I'm so sick of people. Not just some of them, either -- I'm honestly just sick of everyone and everything, and I just want this day to be over. 

The entire day's sucked. I've had a class with both West and Lacey, and they both ignored me then. And then there was lunch, and there's now. It really, really sucks. And it's all my fault. 

I've gone through the whole series of unfortunate events a million times in my head, and it just makes me blame myself more and more every time I do so. It sucks. This all sucks. I hate it.

I sit down against my locker, putting my earbuds into my ears and blasting the volume at its highest and closing my eyes. I skip through my music until Terrible Things by Mayday Parade starts playing. I don't cry (as most people do, because it's such a sad song), but I want to. I can't. I won't. I'm so sick of just being considered weak and emotional and... a stupid, wanna-be prep girl who is some type of weird closet emo slash punk chick. That's what people think I am. That's what I think I am. I think that because it's kind of true. Everyone else probably thinks that because everyone judges everyone. I don't care how accepting you are of other people; you still have judgemental thoughts about pretty much everybody. Even if they're good judgemental thoughts, if they're not one hundred percent true, it's still judgemental. 

I look up, feeling a tap on my shoulder. It's Lacey. I take out one of my earbuds, not really sure what to do. I'm not sure if she's going to scream at me, kill me, or both. "Hey," she says, sliding down and sitting next to me. "Shouldn't you be in class, princess?" 

"Did the bell ring?" 

"Yeah, a while ago."

"I honestly don't care, Lacey," I say. "Just get out whatever you want to freaking say and get it over with and then we can hate each other forever and I can go back to whatever I used to do in life and you can go back to whatever you consider normal."