safe with me - Hotchniss

the first month

"Fuck."

Emily silently cursed to herself as she walked to her car. Her mind was spinning and she couldn't even see clearly, yet she managed to get the keys out of her pocket and to climb in her car.

"Fuck!", she repeated, louder this time, smashing her fist against the steering weel.

When she had first done the tests, she had felt nothing. She hadn't been happy or sad, she had just felt empty. Without any reactions to the two lines in front of her eyes. 'This could be a mistake', she had thought and decided to see the doctor first before talking to her boyfriend.

But it had not been a mistake.

She should be happy, shouldn't she? Yet, there were too many questions on her mind.
How would he react? God, they had just been together for three months by then and it was still an unofficial, secret relationship. What if he didn't want a child?
What about her work? How could she just bring a child into this cruel world without being able to be there for him or her?
What would the others think? Emily Prentiss as a mother?
And - Hell, her own mother would freak out. Yes, she definitely would.

Letting out a deep sigh, she closed her eyes for a brief second. A brief second of escaping from all this.
When she opened them again, she found herself with watered eyes, tears slowly sprinkling down her cheeks. She let them fall, completely lost in her current situation.

It was her phone that pulled her out of her paralyzed condition. Taking a deep breath, she took the incoming call without looking who it was.

"Prentiss?"

"Hey Em, it's me."

Oh Lord, it was him. His voice made her calm down immediately, but also panic a bit. This was real, too real, not just a bad dream.

"Em?"

"Oh, sorry, hey you", she stuttered.

"Is everything okay?", Emily could literally feel how he furrowed his eyesbrows at the other end of the line, worried.

"Sure, why wouldn't it be?", she assured nervously.

"Okay, just asking...", he replied but it was obvious that he didn't believe her at all. "How was lunch with your mother?"

"Ah, as usual", she lied. "It was all about her work. Speaking of which, I should probably drive back. See you there?"

"Sure, I'm here", he said.

"Good.", she was about to hang up, but she felt the need to hear him saying the three words. And she wanted to remind him, too. "Aaron?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Hotch smiled at the other end of the line, his heart skipping a beat, like it always did when she told him how she felt. "I love you, too, Em. Drive safe!" And then, he hung up.

She smiled at the way he cared and for a short moment, she forgot all the doubts about the pregnancy. But as soon as she felt tears in her eyes again, only because she was so moved by his words, she realized how badly the hormones were already working on her.

"Damn it", she mumbled and quickly wiped the tears away before driving to work.

—

Emily unlocked the door to Hotch's house almost scared. She knew how easily he could read her and notice that something was wrong. Or different at least.

At work, they hadn't had a chance to really talk, since they were still hiding their relationship to everyone and had to act all professional. Usually she hated that they had to, but that day, she was more than thankful about it.

She knew that he was already at home, they hadn't left work together, but he had texted her and she had walked to her car shortly afterwards.

Hotch was already waiting for her, and as soon she had dropped her bag and jacket as well as kicked off her shoes, he was there, carefully wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a passionate kiss. It was the need of feeling the other, the need that kept building and pounding in their chests every day at work where they had to hold it in.
Emily slightly moaned into the kiss before yanking her arms around his neck and balancing on her tiptoes in order to pull him closer. It surprised her every time how he could hold that carefully and softly, but still kiss her with such fierce and passion.

As they ran out of air, they eventually had to break the kiss.
"Hey", she smiled, leaning his forehead against his as they both tried to even out their breaths.

"Hey", he replied softly, looking into her eyes.
"I missed you."

"I missed you, too", she admitted, like she always did during the day. Of course he was there all the time, and she felt their love in every look they shared, but she missed his arms around her and his lips on hers.

"I brought dinner", he then smiled proudly and motioned in the direction of the living room.

"You did?", she asked, surprised.

"Yea", he replied. "I stopped at Tony's and got you Mac'n'Cheese and Chicken Nuggets."

Her eyes widened as she heard that he had bought her all-time-favorite food.
He interlaced their fingers, but kept looking her in the eyes: "You seemed a bit odd today so I thought it might cheer you up."

"You perfect man", she smiled and kissed him softly.

He kissed her back, glad that he could make her at least a bit happy. Yet, he was Aaron Hotchner and he could usually read his girlfriend like an open book. This time, however, he had no clue what was going on. He was sure that something was bothering her and he definitely wanted to find out that night.

Comfy silence surrounded them as they ate while watching the news. Their last case was on, and it reminded them of how exhausted they actually were. After both of them had put aside the empty boxes, Emily snuggled into his side, leaning her head on his chest. Immediately, his left arm wrapped around her waist and he leaned down to kiss her hair.

"So", he broke the silence as continued to draw circles on her back. "What's going on?"

She turned her head to face him. "What?"

"Em, I know you too well to not notice if something is bothering you and just won't leave your mind. You can tell me everything, you know that, right?"

Emily swallowed and looked away again. "Sure, but it's nothing, don't worry."

"Can you say this while looking into my eyes?"

She raised her head again and was about to open her mouth, but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't lie while looking into his eyes.

"See, I knew something was up", he smirked.

Letting out a sigh, she sat up and crossed her legs while picking her nails. "I had no idea how to tell you, especially since we haven't been together for that long and I have no idea how my future is going to look like now, what people are going to think, how I am going to do or even worse, what if you didn't want - I mean, I would totally understand, I was more than surprised as well-"

"Babe, slow down", he interrupted her, taking her hands in his so she would stop picking on her nails.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "I wasn't with my mother this morning, I went to see my doctor", she whispered, now shaking nervously. "I'm pregnant, Aaron."